Feel the Lazy and DO IT ANYWAYS

I have a brand-new motto ...

2011-07-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

But I think I'm going to keep the one at the top there anyways. I now live by:

"You only live once, and you can sleep when you're dead."

Because of this motto I have joined roller derby, I am in the middle of a divorce, I have purple streaks in my hair, and I am living again. LIVING. Not just rolling through the days in a blurry sludge of ick. Some days I can feel the ick, but then I remind myself: YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

So I better start living it up. Of course that doesn't mean amass massive debt (which I kinda have in the last few months, what with the divorce and the emotional trauma and the stress-shopping -- some people stress-eat, and I stress-spend money, which doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me). It doesn't mean EAT ALL THE THINGS because let's face it, if you aren't in great shape you need more sleep and you can't live as well, so I'm not overindulging there. It does, however, mean I reevaluate my decisions and make sure they are in line with my personal priorities and values.

Which sometimes includes a divorce. It sometimes includes a belly button piercing. It sometimes (probably always) includes a major style do-over. And it always, always, always, means that I make sure that what I'm going to do is in the best interest of me and the girls, and that it is part of my master plan in life, which is:

HAVE FUN.

I'll try to keep you updated now that I'm out of the tunnel.

Gained and lost, and all in the space of a week.

2011-01-30T09:26:00.000-08:00

I'm cranky this weekend. I am taking it out on everyone, so readers beware: I do not mean to attack you, and I don't even know you, but I am cranky. It started on Friday, with the arrival of my close, dear, Aunt Flow. Somehow I managed to soak through both my tampon and my panty-liner, and by the time I got back from working out at the gym, there was a BEAUTIFUL red spot on the bum of my sweats. Guess what from?

It was continued by the perceived slight I received from my sister-in-law, who just gave birth to a delicious baby boy. She is in the hospital and doing well, having visits from all her friends who attended her labor, but because of a complicated issue with the baby's father, the hospital has elected to not allow her visits from anyone who wasn't in the delivery room. That would include me, but somehow not her Aunt. I shouldn't take it personally, right? But all of her friends have held the baby, and they all get the title of Aunt Whomever, and I am sitting here, sad, because I haven't held the baby and I don't even know if I'll be bestowed with the Aunt title because apparently, I'm not really family. Still. After five years of being married, my in-laws still don't really count me when they take stock of the family.

My one pair of warm, cozy winter boots has a huge hole in the big toe on my right foot. Big enough that I can no longer pretend that it's okay to wear them, because I can see my sock when I put it on. But when I went to the mall for a new pair of boots, any boots I liked did not have my size in stock. Apparently I waited too long for my winter boots to break, since sandals are already gracing the shelves of stores in the mall.

D is sick, which means he hasn't been much help this weekend ... I wanted to achieve three things: finish two papers and wash, fold, and put away all of our laundry. As of right now, I have achieved: wash all the laundry. That's it. Because I'm chasing after two kids, one of whom decided that when we got to the gym yesterday she wanted to see what happened if she squeezed her Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate between her legs -- we drove home to change her clothes and covered her car seat with a grocery bag.

I'm so over it. Everything. One of the papers that I have to do is so vague that I don't even know where to start; the other paper I have to do is so involved and boring that I don't WANT to start. I can't even begin my extra credit Calculus project; I just have no idea where to begin, so I guess I won't be turning it in on Tuesday after all.

Last Sunday when I weighed in I gained 5lbs. FIVE. Gained. I almost gave in then but the muffin top over my jeans shamed me. I returned to Weight Watchers, tracking the points of everything I ate, and this week I am down 6 pounds, which WW tells me is unhealthy because weight loss is supposed to be about 2lbs a week ... does that count water retention from last week? Because I was PMSing and everything.

My final whine? D seems to have lost my iPod. I might kill him. I bring that thing everywhere, I use it for everything. I keep track of my points for WW, I have several playlists for while working out, I keep my calendar and all appointments on it, and of course the email/games/etc that most people have on their awesome iPods now. I am so upset. How do I avoid killing him, at this moment? Possibly by injecting enough coffee into my bloodstream that it forces me to be upbeat. We'll see if that works.

Back to the gym tomorrow; my personal trainer wrote down all the exercises we've gone over so far, so that I might actually be able to replicate the workout on my own. Wish me luck, because obviously I need a heap of it. Thanks.

Live and learn, right?

2011-01-17T08:17:00.000-08:00

So, Wednesday, aka Day 3 of getting up early and working out, was destined to be a failure from the beginning. It snowed, enough that the Y had a delayed opening. Lillie decided to crawl into bed with me at 4:30am and kick me for the rest of the morning. We had someone sleeping on the couch so I couldn't creep downstairs and do SOMETHING, anything, from my exercise video collection. It was destined to be a failure.

I had no idea that Thursday and Friday were destined for failure as well.

Wednesday night, I left my iPod at work, aka my alarm clock. My cell phone (aka Alarm #2) wandered off with a reckless toddler. The clock radio alarm that I have? I set for 5:30 PM. Not AM.

My alarm then? Was the reckless toddler at 6:55, anxious to get out of her crib and wreak havoc. Fantastic.

Friday I was ill. I called out of work and crawled back into bed and hid from the world until dinnertime.

Life likes to taunt you. It likes to take your goals and smash them to pieces. But you know what? I feel positive that things are going to work out for me. It may take longer to get in the habit than I thought, it might be harder to get in the habit than I thought, but it'll work out.

I lost .3 pounds this week, bringing me to an even 2lbs lost since I started weight watchers, and that's with eating my weight in bad foods on Saturday, so I am feeling pretty good. I need to study and do homework and go to bed on time and get up to work out in the morning, but I'm pretty sure it's all going to fall into place. Watch me. =P

Working out, day 2. Plus, school.

2011-01-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

I didn't post about Day 1, but Day 2 is exciting. Because it is the SECOND day I woke up at 5:20am, hauled my ass down to the gym, worked out, came home and started the rest of my day. You know what? I woke up this morning and thought, wow, I am achy all over from exercising yesterday. Maybe I should take today off.

NO. I refused. I got up and did it anyways (like feel the fear but do it anyways, but Feel the tired achy bones and do it anyways, or Feel the lazy and do it anyways ... I like that, it's my new motto.)

So, yesterday while at the gym I lifted some weights. I am following a routine I found in a book published by Women's Health, the Big Book of Exercises or something (I'll post the name of the book here when I have the book in front of me, which is NOT now.) It had a full warm-up, and then a workout that is supposed to reclaim my body for me. It was quite a workout, and with the exception of one cabled row, a workout I could do Anywhere. I am grateful for the cabled row, though, since it means I have to get to the gym to do it, so I HAVE to get up at 5:20. There is no way I can tell myself at 5:20 nah, I will just do it a little later... I don't have a way to do it a little later. It just won't happen if I do that, and I refuse to give up the fight.

Today I ran. Well, ran / walked. I walked for 10 minutes as a warm-up, then did Run 1min / Walk 2min repeated 4 times, then did a cool down walk, plus I did a little stretching. I am very proud of myself. I have pride. Not only did I wake up and go to the gym, but I actually ran while I was there.

Tomorrow, swimming and weights. My first time swimming! Well, my first time swimming as a workout, I guess. I'm going to be doing lap repeats: 1 lap freestyle, rest 30 seconds, about 15 times.

I'm excited. Two other things are important to note, exercise-wise: I have committed to taking only stairs. No elevators. Yesterday, I had to park my car on the fifth floor of the parking garage. That means five flights of stairs. And I had to go out to my car four times.

I still took the stairs, including when I had a large printer that I had just purchased for the office to carry down.

Finally: water. Water. Water. It's my healthy focus for the week. Drink water. I'm doing okay, but I could be doing better. But. Water.

On a different note, yesterday was my first day of class! I sat in a classroom! It was shocking, because I apparently have a lot more in common with the faculty than my classmates ... the kids, the work-life, the husband, etc. But I'm so thrilled to be in classes again, and today, Calculus. Math is the bane of my existence, because I'm always missing little details. I'm so much better with phrases and words and grammar than with numbers and variables and coefficients. However, I have been studying up so hopefully it will assist me in not sucking. Fingers crossed!

Here's me, looking all bad-ass.

Tomorrow maybe I'll post about the Christmas presents I have planned for this year... we'll see!

Goals for 2011, Re-cap for 2010

2011-01-07T13:03:00.000-08:00

Make making Christmas presents a year-round affair ... start early!
Achieve the healthy weight of 132 by June 25th.
Run. Again. Some more. Faster, maybe.
Achieve a 3.0 + GPA in school.
Finish one iPhone App.
Potty train Aubrey Joy.
Teach Lillie to read.
Pay off credit cards by April 15.
Get savings to 7,500.
Complete one goal off of Life List.
**Adding in, finish quilt for Aubrey!

I've decided against posting my recent financial statement, for the time being. I need to make sure the other half is comfortable with that much financial knowledge about us floating around on the interwebz. Just know that while my net worth is still positive when you include the house and the cars, it's only positive by a few thousand dollars, which is saddening, considering where I have been in the past.

To make these goals a reality, I have:

started a heavily weighted credit payoff system
joined the YMCA and booked an appointment with a personal trainer
joined Weight Watchers (and started tracking my points!) and contacted a nutrtiionist
started studying calculus already, even though the semester starts on Monday
purchased a kid-sized toilet seat and have been putting Aubrey on it (so she can be comfortable on it, not necessarily so she can pee on it yet)

As for my goals for 2010 ...

Saving 9,000 and purchasing a house: done and done, and then my emergency account dwindled back down to 4,000. I'm counting this as an achievement, but it could only be a half-achievement.

Breastfeeding Aubrey Joy: Wow, it seems like such a long time since I did, but I completed one whole year of breastfeeding Aubrey Joy, and I think she ate maybe 3 bottles of pre-packaged baby food that mother-in-law bought for her.

Re-learning knitting and quilting: Well, this is half done. I learnt how to knit this year! Again! I have completed a scarf and a pair of socks, and I have half a dozen other projects in progress. The quilting, though ... I got as far as cutting up the fabric for a quilt and it has languished ever since. Maybe I'll finish it this year? This is going back on my list!

Aubrey sleeping by herself: This is done! I don't remember if it happened in time for my deadline, but she definitely has not slept with me since at least May. And probably before that.

Run the Philadelphia half-marathon: *Snort* *Giggle* Nope.

To pay close attention to my personal and professional appearance: I have to confess, I'm not sure how I've done at this. I purchased new, stylish glasses this year. I have made sure that when I buy clothes they fit and they flatter my coloring. I try to match my outfits together carefully. But I think the look might be lost, considering the fact that my haircut is six months old and wasn't that great then, and I rarely wear makeup anymore because my acne is so bad it just looks like I'm a garish teenager. I did learn how to give my hair a great blow-out, though!

2011 should be fabulous. I refuse to let people get me down! This is MY wild 'n precious life, and I will live it my way, no excuses!

Ha. Ha.

2010-12-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

So, one post's worth of NaNoWriMo novel. Awesome. That's motivation right there.

Let's forget all about that, shall we? For now? Until I feel some more magical leprechauns hopping around in my brain?

I'm taking Lillie to Disney World for Christmas. She is so excited to go to Mickey's house! I'm not sure she even realizes that is where the princesses and fairies live too, or she wouldn't be able to sleep at night!

It will soon be time to post my financial statement. I confess, it will not be awe-inspiring. It will be a downer. I have fallen into the credit card trap again, and it ain't pretty. When I get really upset, the credit card comes out. Only this time, it has been worse, because I did a lot of my shopping online, and when I do that, I don't get the same rush of excitement! It is time to freeze the cards again and pay them off. Based on my current plan, I should get there in May or June.

We almost got a car loan and a new(er) car -- a 2006 Rav4. We got denied last minute, after being pre-approved, and while it hurts, to still be denied for stuff like that (an easily managed payment, seriously, one I could pay with my monthly disability check itself), I am now feeling like that it was for the best. I really need to get things under control here first. So we'll keep chugging along with our less than ideal vehicles until the time comes that we are credit-free and hopefully can buy straight out.

Budgeting is harder right now than it was while in the Marines. Maybe because the bulk of our income is bi-weekly, so it's harder to budget for a month. When the income is bi-weekly but the expenses are monthly, it's harder for me to visualize what's coming out of what. I like to automate my bills, and I do, but since the month & bi-weekly numbers don't always coincide, it's difficult to feel comfortable with putting money in savings. What if I need it?

I'll have to sit down with my budget worksheet and really hammer out some details.

NaNoWriMo, Day 1. Novel WIP, Tentative chapter title currently: Spring Cleaning

2010-11-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

(Novel title unknown!)

The house was long overdue for a spring cleaning, thought Brynne, as she surveyed the book nook in her living room. The bookshelves were all dusty, novels were mingling with self-help guides, and then there was the occasional upside down book to deal with as well. Goodness, it must be disgraceful underneath the bookshelf, then, she thought. She bent down swiftly and swept her pointer finger into the darkness. When she pulled it out she frowned at the white dust clinging to the swirls of the fingerprint. Then she wiped it on her pink skirt-apron (her favorite apron, the one with the Hawaiian print flowers on it, which she picked up on her vacation there with Marshall two years ago at the swap meet in Honolulu – she had to dig throw several vendors’ stands to find the perfect one, and it was indeed perfect, and reminded her of vacationing in the sun on the beach each time she carefully tied it on, even though she wore it for such mundane events as baking cookies or cleaning her kitchen sink), made an annotation on the notebook she stored in her apron pocket to be sure to clean under the bookshelves, and turned to survey the home entertainment center.

The television of course needed to be wiped off; when the nieces came to visit the screen would get smudged as always, but it would be nice to start from clean at some point! The movie cases were neatly ordered. She walked over to the television cabinet and wiped her finger across its surface: another dusting necessary. She sighed at the entanglement of cords not so hidden behind a cherry-stained cabinet door; she wouldn’t be able to do anything about it even if she wanted to, since that was Marshall’s area and she would no more dream of messing it up anymore than he would try to touch her knitting area.

She slowly walked over to her softly cushioned rocking chair, with its adjacent magazine rack type shelf and built in lamp, and looked at all the projects in processing sitting there. There was a pair of socks, on a circular needle and cabled with ghosts; the ghosts were peeping up about ankle height, but she still had at least four more ghosties to go before Halloween. Luckily the deadline was still a few months out, but she really enjoyed that project, with the soft, thin yarn, variegated between orange and black and purple (which she had thought would look hideous but really looked absolutely lovely as a pair of Halloween themed socks for her precocious niece, Juliet, and possibly the skeins would have enough left-over to make a pair for her niece’s younger sister, the baby of the family Stephanie.) Her gaze skipped over the tiny blue sweater. It sat on a straight black walnut needle, with the other stabbed carelessly into the ball of yarn. The warm needles themselves yearned to be wielded; the delicious yarn in the colors of the summer sky brazenly wished for handling … but the project? Unfinishable. Brynne stubbornly looked elsewhere.

There was a hat in progress, made of a warm and cozy merino wool; it was a dark midnight sky kind of blue with almost a purple shimmer. It matched the scarf she made for Jaqi for her birthday this year, and the Irish Hiking Mittens she made for her the Christmas beforehand. It also had a deadline out a few months, but it’s good to have a lot of projects in progress, in Brynne’s mind. Then if she got bored or needed a shock to her brain, she could switch on a project more or less complicated, situationally dependent. She even had yarn from a previous project still tucked into the magazine rack; small little balls of a fine yarn she had purchased especially for a shawl for her dear friend Kelsey while she was in the hospital. It had been a very intricate and lacy shawl, and had really taken her mind off of everything else while she had worked on it. She could get lost in it for hours, it seemed, and while Marsh hadn’t appreciated it, she was grateful for the mental break. However, the shawl was finished now, and those small balls of creamy bamboo and wool could be filed away in her display cabinet of yarns. She made a note on her list, and gazed at everything else, studiously avoiding the tiny sky blue sweater, still. The small buttons (they had been meticulously picked out after hours of picking through containers full of other buttony objects, and they were shaped like farm animals) sitting next to it were dusty, of course, but she didn’t even notice that. She focused on the empty glass sitting on a rubber coaster. That I should take care of now, she thought, and she picked up the glass and hurried away to the kitchen.

As she stepped into her brightly lit kitchen her eyes began to sting. Steak with peppers and onions for dinner, she thought, and after placing the glass in the sink full of other dirty dishes (and making a mental note to try to tackle those after dinner was through,) she wrapped her arms around her husband, resting her head on his shoulder, as he stood at the stove preparing a delicious meal for them. He briefly leaned his head against hers, then turned around and held her close. She leaned into him.

“So glad it's Friday,” she muttered into Marshall's neck. He nodded in agreement. “I'm going to get this place sparkling clean and uncluttered. I feel so--” she shook her shoulders from side to side while searching for the right word, “penned in here sometimes.”

He nodded, and after a moment they separated. She sat down at the small round table in the corner of the kitchen, and stared into space, startling for a brief moment as Marshall sat down a glass of red wine (cabernet sauvignon, the only wine she bothered to keep on hand) on the table in front of her. She thanked him absent-mindedly and sipped the red wine, then pulled out her list and began adding items from the kitchen – wash the curtains, scrub the stove top, dust the window sills, self-clean the oven, all manner of cleaningness. Scrub at the sink faucet with a toothbrush, she thought with grim satisfaction, It's the best way to get all the muck out.

“What's with the snarl, Brynne?” Marshall asked, shocking her out of her thoughts, as he plated the dinner and carried it into the dining room. He picked up her wine glass and and carried it over to the table as well, indicating with a head toss to come along. She removed her shiny black pumps and stood, smoothing her apron over her dark grey pencil skirt. She picked up her list off the small table and joined Marshall in the dining room. "Just thinking about cleaning the sink grout with a toothbrush," she replied.

The dining room was a little dimmer. The windows weren't quite as big as in the kitchen, and the curtains were frequently drawn so that they weren't staring at their neighbors walking down the walkway during their meals. The brightness in the dining room came from her yarn display cabinet, and the vase in the center of the table large mohagany table, stuffed with a mixed bouquet that Brynne picked out weekly during her grocery exploits,. This week it was full of pinks and yellows and whites, but Brynne already knew that next week she would be picking up some nice red roses. Just because she could.

The yarn display cabinet was currently her pride and joy. One can never have too many skeins of yarn, they said in Knit Wit, her knitting group (frequently, and it really wore on some people and spouses, and especially those spouses that were cognizant of how much a skein of yarn could really cost,) and Brynne strongly believed it. The cabinet was originally a china cabinet, with large glass doors closing off the display of fine dishes. Brynne didn't care too much about her dishes; most of them were purchased at a big-box store, for cheap, and they were easily replaceable. However, the many and varied skeins of yarn, she cared about. It wasn't organized by much of anything. Brynne liked to throw colors that look good in together, but she was not very strong on the color matching, so it maybe looked good to her eyes, but not to others. This yarn cabinet was one of the few works of art shown in her home, and anyone who disagreed? Well, they didn't do it to Brynne's face.

On the top shelf, she had the colors of the sky; the blues and the cloud whites and the faintly purples blending in with the yellows and oranges and pinks and reds. On the bottom shelf, the colors of the ground; browns, tans, creams, with greens and the occasional leafy orange-red thrown in for good measure. It had a certain appeal, this cabinet, and it begged for an onlooker to touch the silky softness of the internal goods. One could sink into yarns and never escape, quite happily. A bed of yarn would be heaven, in Brynne's mind, and in the minds of many of the women in Knit Wit, of course.

Brynne and Marshall always chatted over dinner. That was one of the things Brynne loved about Marshall, to be honest; on one of the worst dates she had ever been on (a blind date set up for her by one of the Knit Wits, Pearl,) her date hushed her every time she opened her mouth during the meal. He had insisted on ordering for her (and ordered shellfish, which she never ate,) shushed her when she tried to talk about anything, and then expected her to put out at the end of the night. (She got Pearl back later by setting her up with the serial proposer – he carried his grandmother's wedding ring in his wallet and proposed at the end of every date that didn't end in tears or a face slap – and often they ended in both after the proposal!)

Lillie.

2010-08-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

Not my Lillie. My great-grandmother Lillie. My daughter's namesake.

Love impersonated.

I'm thinking of her today. I so regret not being able to find the time and extra dollars to take my Lillie to meet her great, great grandmother. I didn't get that last hug. I didn't get to watch her cradle Lillie. She was so wonderful, and I loved her so much. Love her so much still.

I miss her.

The Yarn.

2010-07-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Not the best picture ever, but...

From Lasting!

The yarn. It is a yellow, white and aqua variegated cotton / acrylic washable yarn.

And I got needles.

And I bought another yarn that I let Lillie pick out that I /guess/ will be a hat scarf mittens set for her. If she's lucky. =P

One goal accomplished!

This Week's Goals.

2010-07-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

I'm going to:

-- Go to bed by 11:20 on Monday, 11:10 on Tuesday, 11pm on Wednesday, 10:50 on Thursday, 10:45 on Friday. (10:45 being the end goal, but I will have to WORK to it. LOL!)

-- Wake up by 6:40 on Tuesday, 6:30 on Wednesday, 6:20 on Thursday, 6:10 on Friday. (I would have a super duper early wake up time of 6am on Saturday, except I already know that I am gaming on Saturday night and would this be awake about 20 hours before going to bed. No thank you. 6am can come on Monday, after going to bed at 10:45 on Sunday night.)

-- Fully catch up on laundry. (Ugh.)

-- Clean front room. (Double-ugh.)

-- Unplugged with the kids 3-5 nights this week. (No phone, no computer, no television, from the time I get home until the time I put them to bed. The first night of the week I try this usually starts off hellish. No kidding. That's how I know I need it.)

-- Find the yarn for my first knitting project -- a baby boy OR girl hat and bootie set. (I have a number of people I care about having babies coming up, and I would really like to knit something, instead of just crocheting. Don't get me wrong, I love crochet -- just looking to expand my skills set a tiny bit more.)

Nothing outrageous, right? (Ok, maybe Fully catching up on the laundry could be far-fetched... without the proper motivation.)

I'm calling it -- this week I will surpass my goals and become Laurel the infinitely accomplished.

Or something.

Financial Statement - July 16, 2010

2010-07-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

Personal Financial Statement of L & D W.
As of 7/16/2010

Assets:
Cash - checking accounts : $ 3568.87
Cash - savings accounts:   $ 4267.09
Certificates of deposits: $ 0
Securities (stocks etc) : $ 195.98
Personal property (2 cars) :      $ 2800.00 (based on blue book website)
Retirement funds: $ 4061.11
House (*** A Nut Street) :       $100,000 (don’t remember the actual, just sorta guessed)
Total Assets:     $144,393.05

Liabilities:
Mortgage (***A Nut St) :          $103,000
Total liabilities:    $103,000

Net worth: $11,393.05

If I went off the estimate on zillow.com for the house, which guessed it was valued at $129,500, we would be in the clear $41,393. However, at this point I’m only comfortable with the number above.

So, the only liability we currently have is the mortgage -- a supposed "good" debt. Our net worth went down by about $1,000, but I'm not including in our assets any of our furniture or computers or anything. D estimates that it's at least another $2,000 - $3,000. And now we have a house. So theoretically, as long as we pay our housing expenses, we are destroying debt, and raising our net worth. Maybe it's only by $300 / month (principal + extra, since so much goes towards interest!), but its still a tangible advance, without even putting money into savings (Which, Duh, this is me we're talking about, of course more money is going into savings).

Not depressing, but I'm hoping to see some real change by the end of the year.

Optimism.

2010-07-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

Even ignoring the context, this is one of the most inspiring speeches I've ever heard. And heard. And sought out so that I could hear it again...

Barack Obama: Yes We Can.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no
matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can withstand the
power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will
only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been
asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against
offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been
anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible
odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't
try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a
simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the
destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail
toward freedom through the darkest of nights.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and
pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the
ballot; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality. Yes we can to opportunity and
prosperity. Yes we can heal this nation. Yes we can repair this
world. Yes we can.

And so tomorrow, as we take this campaign South and West; as we learn
that the struggles of the textile worker in Spartanburg are not so
different than the plight of the dishwasher in Las Vegas; that the
hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are
the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we
will remember that there is something happening in America; that we
are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people;
we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter
in America's story with three words that will ring from coast to
coast; from sea to shining sea - Yes. We. Can.

This is what I need to read to be inspired. This is what I need to encourage me to work towards my goals. It's not inspiring because it's from a black man. It's not inspiring because its from a president. It's inspiring because it's well-written and right on the money. It's written to be inspiring and up-lifting. You don't need to be a fan of the Obama administration to know that this speech is one that needs to go down in the history books. It's one that says, hey, we can do whatever we want. We can. We can change. We have that ability.

Yes, I can, to opportunity and prosperity. Yes, I can heal the world.

That's a message worth sending.

Wow, cranky much?

2010-07-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

I looked at the last post on this blog and just boggled at it. WTF? Where did that come from? I don't even know where I was in my life at that point, but I don't think it was THAT serious, I definitely got over it...

Anyway.

So we bought a house. It was $103,000, with a monthly payment of $978. I would prefer to pay off our mortgage quickly, despite the whole "its a great tax deduction" logic, and therefore am making extra payments each month directly to the principle. If I keep up with this (and I'm pretty sure its not a strain on my budget!!) it'll be paid off in eight and a half years -- Christmas 2018. Which seems like in FOREVER. However, its not quite as long as July 2040!

Aubrey Joy is sleeping in her own room now, she much prefers that to sleeping with us at this point, which she made quite clear to me over the weekend while room-sharing at my mother's house. (LOL!) And she is weaned -- we lasted the one year and then like two weeks later, that was it. Its a relief, but at the same time, there are moments when I still want to have that kind of experience with her, bonding, cuddling, love, nourishment ... and she is very independent now, so to get the bonding and cuddling I have to pin her down!

I decided to track all of my spending last month. Every penny. Including rent, electric, medical whatevers ... coffee every day and sometimes twice. It was a pleasant surprise, I think. I spent a lot of money on eating out (as much as I spent on groceries, if you include coffee and sodas in the eating out part of the budget!) but we still managed to stay within our income /and/ save money. Not quite as much as we used to, but still save. Our savings is down to $420 a month (for our personal savings -- the kids still get $ 60 / month apiece), and we are pre-paying on our mortgage principle a good amount, so the savings in total is still coming close to 20% our net income. I want it to be more, but at this point I think I need to start concentrate on us earning more rather than spending less -- I find I'm not getting really far with the spending less part. I could be getting further I suppose, but we are in comfortable categories right now, with our spending, neither of us feels pinched (although at the end of our allowance cycle we're both scraping up quarters for our beverage of choice!) and we have what we need and most of what we want, honestly.

As a quick update to my goals for 2010 --

Our savings account, while not bulky, is in pretty good shape -- once we receive our tax refunds (of which we still need to get both state refunds and re-do our federal taxes!) we'll be well above the mark that I had set. Since we've already purchased the home, I don't feel that the extra $5,000 is necessary.

Aubrey Joy has only ever had one or two containers of commercial baby food, and at this point she eats with us every meal, so that has been a success.

I have not finished Aubrey Joy's quilt. I was hoping to have it done to help her transition into her crib from our bed, but I ran into several issues along the way, relating to time and setting up my tempermental sewing machine. At this point, the fabric has been cut, but it needs to be pieced, sewed, cut again, and sewed again. And then backed etc. So. New goal is to finish it by the end of the year. LOL!

Aubrey Joy is sleeping by herself, through the night! Goal accomplished!

About the half-marathon in September ... I think half-marathons are over-rated. I think instead I will aim for running a full 5k race this September, and run it in under 31 minutes. This is not called failing your goals, its called "adjusting for realistic expectations". I am adjusting.

Personal appearance? Check. I have been taking great care every time I dress. It means I don't wear a lot of sloppily put together outfits -- I accessorize, I match colors and scarves and purses and everything. The only area I'm not excelling in is makeup. I wore makeup every day faithfully for about two and a half months ... and then I stopped. I would like to resume my makeup wearing, because it makes me feel awesome, but I stopped because I ran out of contacts ... and wearing makeup while still wearing BCG's is ridiculous.

So. An update. At long last. That doesn't just go BLEEECCHH. I promise, I will try to stop being so cranky.

Frustrated.

2010-04-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

BLECH. I DONT EVEN WANT TO BLOG ABOUT IT.

Taking Life Seriously.

2010-03-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

A little.

You should take life seriously, right? At least parts of it. I try to have a little bit of fun with my life, but its time that I take a good look around and get serious.

Or at least get interested.

As you can see in my sidebar, I do not like housework. I don't know hardly anybody who does, in fact. Who would like housework? Its tedious, repetitive, and usually unrewarding. Not to mention that I'm still trying for women's lib here, equal work and all that. So, since I am the full-time bread winner in my household, I expect the spouse to pick up the housework slack, just like he expected me to pick up the slack when he was the full-time bread winner.

Only, here's the thing -- it was turning into a power struggle of epic proportions. I wouldn't do it -- I refused. He wouldn't do it -- he refused. And because of that, our house was a monumental disaster. It became miraculously less messy on Wednesday, because mother-in-law comes over to babysit Wednesday nights, but Thursday it was right back to pit-dwelling. And I turned a blind eye toward it, because I labelled it as HIS PROBLEM.

You know what? It isn't really his problem. It's our problem. We both live in our apartment. We are both tasked with raising two beautiful, smart, loving little girls. The problem is ours to share. And if he's not going to do his part, maybe I should do it. Since we're a team.

Am I resentful? Well, sometimes, yes. Sometimes it is hard not to be. But I do it with love, I do it for my darlings. And I truly believe that once he sees how much better life is when we aren't pit-dwelling, when we take at least THIS PART of life seriously, he will come around too.

As a symbol of taking things seriously, I have been considering decorating the last week. What could I do to decorate that wouldn't be kitschy and annoying? Where could I decorate? Well, since the kitchen is always my first stop when it comes to cleaning (I may not read FlyLady anymore, but her fly-washing has taught me that a shiny sink is the first step to a clean home!), I thought it could be my first stop for decorating.

The owner of a personal finance site that I frequent -- as in I skulk daily, never to comment -- JD of Get Rich Slowly, recently had a painting done for him. Kermit, sitting on his (JD's) new book, holding a pipe, etc. He shared that the artist, Jolie Guillebeau, was in the middle of a 100 paintings in 100 days personal challenge. Intrigued, I went over to her site and signed up for her newsletter.

And I did love her work. After several attempts, I have purchased a painting for my kitchen.

From Lasting!

It was inexpensive, as per her challenge rules, and I think it's beautiful. I will be trying to acquire more Jolie Guillebeau originals for my kitchen, and when this one arrives in the mail, I will take a picture of where I choose to hang it so you can see it accessorizing my kitchen.

Granola bars

2010-03-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

I borrowed a recipe from thefrugalgirl.com for granola bars. I have been meaning to make them, but I don't really care for the dry and crunchy ones, I like mine to be a little more soft and chewy. She advertises that her recipe is in fact soft and chewy.

I had to make a few changes, of course. What's an adventure in the kitchen without a few changes?

So, here's the basic recipe, with my modifications in parentheses:
2 cups quick cooking oats

1 cup all-purpose flour (1/2 C AP flour, 1/2 C whole wheat flour)
3/4 cup packed brown sugar -- the frugal girl uses only 1/4 C, so I decided to go ahead and cut it down too
3/4 cup raisins (EEW yeah right!)
1/2 cup wheat germ (was planning on putting this in -- didn't have any. Used a little milled flax seed)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon (didn't use)
1/2 cup chopped English walnuts (I used pecans, since I happen to have a bag in my pantry)
(3/4 C chocolate chips, semi-sweet)
(1/4 - 1/2 C unsweetened coconut flakes)
1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used canola, I don't even own vegetable oil anymore)
1/2 cup honey
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

The recipe says to mix the dry, mix the wet, and then mix the wet into the dry. So I mixed the wet ingredients in my measuring cup, to save on dishes! After you mix the wet into the dry, you stir well, press into a pan, cook at 350 degrees for 15 - 18 minutes or until brown around the edges (which took about 25 minutes in my oven, which I recently discovered is on the low side for temp -- it runs about 320 or less when it says 350!).

NOTE: the pan should be greased. I skipped that part in the instructions (whoops) and had to pry the bars out.

Let cool on a wire rack, then cut.

Verdict: tasty, but it was missing something, and I will have to think really hard and scrounge my cupboards for it. However, Lillie liked it, and D was ambivalent, which means HE ATE ONE. D never eats anything I bake. He is very store bought oriented, and for him to eat a granola bar that was homemade (or even a granola bar at all, since he's not a health nut by any stretch -- even if said granola bar is full of chocolate chips), well, it was a big deal. We will keep making these granola bars.

And next time I'll grease the pan.

Nostalgia smells like ....

2010-03-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

Cinnamon Apple Spice tea.

I poured myself some tea this morning for the first time in at least six years. As I put the bag in to steep, the smell began to pour out. Instantly, there I was: seated at the glass table in my mother's kitchen, next to sunny window. I collected old tea cups then, old tea cups and saucers, and I remember sipping my tea delicately (full of sugar!) while relaxing in the warmth of a beautiful spring day, chatting lightly with my mother about all manner of things.

In my childhood home, scent was everything. The smell of a roast cooking on Sunday afternoon, cliched but true. Chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven. A turkey on the holidays. Lilacs and roses in June. Apple cinnamon tea, on quiet spring afternoons.

Baking Again. Shortbread cookies.

2010-02-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

I wanted to add a new cookie to my repertoire. Girl scout cookies were my inspiration for adding short bread cookies -- I think I have bought four or five boxes and they're all gone... I needed to find a way to keep those delicious cookies in my house all year long, without spending $500!

You can find the base recipe here: http://www.joyofbaking.com/shortbreads/shortbreadcookies.html

I was actually sold on this particular recipe from the name of the website. Joy of Baking, indeed.

I made a few minor adjustments, made them up, and found them quite tasty.

1.5 C AP Flour
.5 C corn flour (maseca?)
.25 tsp salt
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temp. (I hate this, I am horrible at planning ahead for baking, and room temperature butter is the epitome of planning ahead, sih)
.5 C powdered sugar
1 tsp pure vanilla extract.

I almost had to stop before I began, because I didn't think I had any powdered sugar left after darlin D made me a cake for Valentine's Day -- FROM SCRATCH -- including two layers and homemade icing. What a sweetheart.

Anyway, back in the dark recesses of my cabinets there was just over a half cup of powdered sugar to save the day.

The directions on the website were wonderful -- it declared that the butter needed to be creamed (for one minute). Thank goodness for that, or I would've done it for twenty seconds and moved on, no lie. But the texture was completely different after one minute. Then add the sugar and beat until smooth (two minutes). Again, completely different after two minutes. Beat in the vanilla extract (pure stuff, no imitation, and one day I will go to the great lengths of thepioneerwoman.com and actually extract vanilla from my own beans, which I did not know was possible until she posted about it (here).

Gently mix in the flour mix (ok, I actually did mix the flour and salt in a bowl with a whisk before hand, smoothed everything out). Once flour is incorporated, put in the fridge, between plastic wrap, for one hour. (Mine actually waited overnight). Roll out to 1/4 inch, cut, bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes ON PARCHMENT PAPER. Eat, enjoy.

Who needs them Girl Scouts anyway?

Extra Income

2010-01-20T07:59:00.000-08:00

I need some advice. I would like to start earning money on the side. This will be crucial to our survival financially when D goes back to school and our effective monthly income drops over four hundred dollars. That's our entire savings budget, and it doesn't take into account the extra expenses of daycare or car insurance or a new car. (Okay, that's only half our savings budget -- I just did the numbers and we save 30% of our take home pay!!! but that's beside the point). The point is, I want to earn money on the side. Or maybe make D earn money on the side.

Do we have any talents we could use in this endeavor? I admit, I am fully capable of babysitting on the weekends, but I lack patience with kids, I think I would hate myself. Especially if I spent time with other kids and never saw my own. I was reading this website iwillmakeyourich.com (nice name, right?) and he mentioned the three major ways of earning side income: freelancing, productizing, and getting a higher salary. I'm working on the higher salary one, but the other ones ...

It's not like you can freelance being an admin assistant. I'm a damn good admin assistant, but its not something I can go out and do on the weekends. Similarly, D can't exactly run out on the weekends and do a little top secret crypto-spy stuff. That's just not how our fields work. I don't have enough of an accounting background to do someone's books on the weekend, I don't have enough database background to set that up on weekends, and I certainly can't code well enough to do that. I was considering photography but I am a novice with a point and shoot camera that just recently had nail polish painted on its lense, so I'm pretty sure I'd be paying people to let me take pictures of them.

So, do I have any marketable skills? Or does D?

Please help.

Lasting in 2010 means ...

2009-12-31T16:23:00.000-08:00

--To bulk back up our savings account for the emergency fund ($9,000), and then add another $5,000 at least to assist in (possibly) purchasing a home.

--To continue breastfeeding (at least until Aubrey Joy is one year!) and home-making Aubrey Joy's baby food.

--To re-learn quilting and knitting. I want to finish a quilt for Aubrey by the end of January.

--To get Aubrey Joy sleeping by herself -- through the night -- by the end of February.

--To run the half-marathon in Philadelphia this September.

--To pay close attention to my personal and professional appearance.

Hold me to it, friends and family. These are my goals. I shall endure! =P

Financial Statement, 12/31/2009

2009-12-31T15:50:00.000-08:00

This year has been an interesting year. We managed to claw our way out of debt, and build up a hefty saving account. However, when D left the military, we needed that savings to survive, and we needed to lean on our credit cards again (stupid crutches that they are!). I re-did our financial statement, cringing, for the end of the year, but what I learned wasn't that bad. Here it is:

Personal Financial Statement of L & D W.
As of 12/31/2009

Assets:
Cash - checking accounts :   $ 224.69
Cash - savings accounts:   $ 5965.42
Certificates of deposits:    $ 1834.49
Securities (stocks etc) : $ 186.08
Personal property (1 cars) :      $ 2300.00 (based on blue book website)
Retirement funds: $ 4038.94
Total Assets: $14,549.62

Liabilities:
Current credit card debt (2) : $ 1799.51
Total liabilities: $1799.51

Net worth:       $12,750,11

Much better than we anticipated. When I showed it to D, he was very surprised that we've only dropped three thousand since my last sheet. We did sell the Mustang, I forget what I decided to ask for it but I got it within eight hours of listing on craigslist.org, so that worked out for us. We almost doubled our retirement funds, and got rid of the personal loan. Some of the numbers are less than wonderful: I had hoped to have $9,000 in my savings account AT the end of the year, instead of it building up in there to over $11,000 in September and then dropping out drastically by the end of the year.

The good news is, I have a job (starting in four days!) so I'll be able to build it back up, rather than slowly siphoning out of it. In six months again, our financial statement will hopefully be looking up then. Our debt will be paid off AGAIN, and we'll have over ten thousand in our savings account (according to my magnificent plan, anyway). Then we'll start saving up for a house down payment, just in case we decide to buy one next winter. All in all, while not what I had planned, exactly, this year worked out well enough for us financially speaking!

Job interview forthcoming.

2009-12-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

Scared shitless.

Well, its been, like, two years since I did a job interview, and that one was just at a temp agency, so I don't feel adequately prepared. While I feel I am quite charming in person, this is just causing my stomach to knot up.

Its for a secretary / admin assistant position, in a doctor's office setting. I don't have a medical background. I do have a nice background in the whole secretary / admin / business aspect, but so many of these jobs want you to have some experience in the medical business.

The only good thing about this interview is that I just purchased interview appropriate clothing. Totally psyched about that, since appearance is a lot during interviews, and I'm totally awesome looking in my new clothes. But the interview is at 9 in the morning, so I'll have to get up fairly early to make sure I look good, and make sure that Aubrey Joy doesn't spit up on me before I leave the house. (A stretch, I know).

Any tips on interviews? Anyone?

My makeover.

2009-11-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

LOL. So, as I mentioned in the last post, I bought clothes on Black Friday. I recently renewed a subscription to Missus Smarty Pants, a style consultant who sends out suggestions based on body type. I also had my colors done, so I know that I am a darker Summer. Funny, because I always thought color-wise I was a Winter! (If you don't understand what the heck I'm talking about, here's the Wikipedia article on seasonal colors). Anyway, armed with that advice, I headed out on Friday morning to Target, determined to fill my closet with things I could really really use and look fabulous. One of the big things MSP harps on is accessorize, so I made sure I picked up some super accessories. I'm not going to show you everything I bought; however, I did take a few pictures tonight all dolled up for D's reunion, in brand-new clothes.

From Lasting!

That's a new sweater that D is wearing too, by the way. Note the earrings, scarf and necklace. I'm wondering if I over-accessorized? I thought it looked nice, still do, but I can never tell...

From Lasting!

Here you can see my first pair of skinny leg jeans, paired up with tall/slouchy black boots.

From Lasting!

You can't see the jacket's true color very well in either of these pictures, but it is a quite gorgeous purple. It was the only one left in my size at Target -- in any color. It was left because one of the buttons was missing. However, it comes with an extra button, so I bought the jacket and sewed the new button back on (note to self: buy darker thread next time), and it's perfect! And only $17.50!

So, one complete outfit based on my purchases this morning. As I pair up some more outfits, I'll take pictures and post them... I'm very proud, haha.

Thanksgiving aftermath.

2009-11-27T15:46:00.000-08:00

Wow. I ate a lot of turkey.

Okay, so the cheesecakes didn't turn out as perfect as I had imagined.

From Lasting!

This is the large one, with the homemade crust and all. It sat closer to the heating mechanism thingie in my oven. (You can sorta tell, right?)

From Lasting!

This is the cheesecake in the store bought graham cracker crust. It was on the middle shelf, underneath the first one, and while it still has a crack in it, its not nearly as crazy looking as the other one.

The dinner rolls turned out so good. I found a recipe on the internetz, one that didn't require shortening, and one that took less than four hours! You can find it here. They were quite yummy, and there is an attached tutorial on how to properly roll them into balls that will puff up into restaurant-looking rolls. Yum.

The pumpkin pie? Not exactly my best ... anything. I was going to post a picture, but suffice it to say, I am pretty sure it was undercooked, except for the one corner that was directly under the heating mechanism (I really need to move the top shelf in the oven down a tiny bit).

The cheesecake apparently tasted pretty good. D had a piece immediately following turkey, and then, while I was sleeping off a headache, this happened:

From Lasting!

So I never got a piece, since we left the other pie with my in-laws. Bummer. But at least it was tasty. I plan on buying a spring-form pan to properly prepare the cheesecake I'm making for a friend's birthday this week. Hopefully that one looks prettier.

Black Friday. Ah. Well, I bought clothes. And more clothes. And shoes. And a purse. And jewelry. I look quite lovely, if I can say so myself. I held my breath and bought my first pair of skinny jeans, which to my surprise kinda look nice. Actually, they look really nice. And I'm confused, I thought they were only for super tiny models, but I feel pretty confident wearing them.

I'll post some pictures of one of my outfits later, so you can see how lovely it is.

Cheesecake or death!

2009-11-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow / today (since its, you know, almost 3a.m. right now but I haven't yet gone to sleep...) is Thanksgiving. I have been given the dubious honor of baker. I suppose I would feel honored in most families, but I believe that the W. family prefers to just buy pies and save the time. Which, you know, I considered doing, since one of the pies I have to make is pumpkin and I've never even thought about making one of them before.

So I coward's way out-ed it, and bought some pre-made pie crusts. The only one I made, in fact, was the one for my cheesecake. Quick background on cheesecake and I: I do not remember ever trying cheesecake until I was eighteen years old. And my first cheesecake was at a Denny's.

Of course, insta-love. Fast forward a few years later, and I am married to a cheesecake loving man. That may, in fact, be one of the only baked goods he will eat. And guess what? Its one of the (many?) few that I had never even attempted to make. So for our third anniversary, we're doing a nice dinner in, and he makes manicotti, and I am in charge of dessert. I decided to go for the cheesecake.

Of course, I didn't have a cheesecake pan. I did, however, have a friend who decided to make cheesecake in a pie plate, and told me to just borrow hers. (I still have that pie plate... I'm such a bad person!)

Anyway, I made it, it tasted good (as far as I remember; D can't remember if it was good or not, but he ate three-fourths of it so I assume he liked it), and then he deployed. Whoo hoo. So, I went home for Thanksgiving and assumed that I could replicate my success.

Not so much. It got a little brown. And it cracked. I didn't even try this one, so I can't say whether or not it was good. My aunt ate it, I believe she actually ate a lot of it, but I'm not sure who else did.

So, its Thanksgiving again, and I am determined to make this cheesecake or die trying. I got the recipe from the same source again (I think?); you can find it here. I found that this recipe was quite large. I, of course still don't have a spring-form pan, so I used the pie plate again, and although my pie plate was quite large, it still was WAY over-flowing. So I used a store bought graham cracker crust and threw the rest of the filling in there. Hehe.

I'm hoping this turns out well... I sort of offered to make cheesecake for two of my friends' birthdays this year, and talk about egg on the face if I can't. One of those birthdays is less than two weeks away, so I don't have a lot of tinkering time, nor do I believe D wants to eat that many failed cheesecakes in a two week period. So, fingers crossed, I will post pictures tomorrow. I think.

A Post about Babies.

2009-11-23T12:55:00.000-08:00

Not so much babies as baby, and not so much baby as baby food. So, as you may have noticed, I'm doing the Earth Mama natural route with this child -- cloth diapers, breast feeding, baby wearing, etc. So, now its solids time. Rather than buying baby food, I thought I'd make some.

My notes so far: even though green beans look appetizing in green bean form, they still look gross after going through the food processor and being pureed. Period. Bananas, though they still look delicious after being smooshed up, freeze into little black chunks. Not appetizing.

These are the only two foods I've worked with so far. Its worth mentioning that I bought (ok, D bought, but that's only semantics) baby rice cereal, and that rice cereal is the reason its taken so long to get miss Aubrey Joy on solids. See, every time I put a bite of rice cereal in her mouth, she'd spit it back up. All gross, and mucousy, and spit-uppy, every time. I thought that just meant she wasn't ready for solids. Turns out, she just can't eat rice cereal. I haven't decided if its a soy aversion (there's soy in rice cereal?! For the why?) or if it just tastes gross to her, or what.

So I've purchased some old-fashioned oats to make Aubrey Joy some oatmeal, but it turns out, oatmeal is a pretty involved meal for babies. I have to soak it in water for 4-8 hours (so, overnight) then boil it into mush, then puree` it. That's an awful lot of work for one meal, so of course I'll make several and freeze. But it also requires thinking ahead for when I introduce it, so it looks like it'll be introduced this weekend.

Aubrey Joy is progressing fairly well, she can sit (mostly) unassisted, and rolls over (but only when she feels like it). She has what I feel is excellent fine motor control, and if she had some teeth or a little bit more eating experience I would feel comfortable giving her soft finger foods. Our next order of business is teaching her to sleep on her own. We're going to keep her in the pack'n'play in our room for another few months (maybe) but I would like to sleep on my own. And all night, please. That'll be introduced starting Thursday night. Wednesday, right in the middle of the week, is a night that will throw us off, so I figured it'd be best to wait until Thursday for that intro. (For those who are wondering, D and I go out on Wednesday nights, so the babysitter aka sister-in-law Janelle has the kids and I'm not confident that she'll keep to our routine, or that it would even work for someone not me. My baby has issues.)

Whoo. Sigh. Babies have to grow up?

Oh, Finances.

2009-11-21T21:09:00.001-08:00

Whatever will I do with you?

Okay, so we've been Marine Corps free for two months now, living in the real world. I have to tell you, the Real World really sucks when it comes to money. And jobs. And health insurance. We had a healthy savings account when he left active duty, so we still have money, and because unemployment rocks so hard, we have regular income, but our income does not match our expenses, quite. It falls anywhere from $300 to $1100 short, monthly speaking. Not to mention that D and I have no idea how to live on not any money, or something.

Its just that, I've never been very good at delaying gratification. I did while D was deployed, because it was gratifying saving up our money, and thank goodness I did save it, but now, I've fallen back into old patterns. Which is to say, I ask D when I want to buy something, and he rarely says no. Especially when it comes to eating out. Or he'll ask me if I want to eat out, and heck yes, do I want to eat out. OR I'll be doing fairly well not buying stuff, but I'll head out to buy, say, a book, or a Christmas present, and walk out of the store with a lot of stuff I didn't plan on buying (but often, things that I do, in fact, need).

So, I need to come up with a new budget, one that fits our current life plan, and while yes, it will eat at our savings a little each month, it'll be a lot better than have $500 or $600 on the credit cards at the end of the month to pay off.

Here's what I have so far:

Groceries: $60 / week. That's a pretty decent estimate, I think, of how much we've been spending on groceries. Even when I take D with me and he impulse-buys three different kinds of Oreo's and ten frozen dinners, we still seem to end up mostly on this scale. (I'm not immune from impulse-buys, but mine usually consist of yogurt and fresh fruit and yummy vegetables...)

Gas: $120 / month. That's pretty high, really, but I calculate in the gas spent driving up to visit my parents, and that'll be what it comes to, approximately, if I drive home monthly.

Dining out: $60 / month. This is an area I failed to establish properly before. I used to tell D that if we wanted to eat out, it came out of our personal allowances. This led to us not using our personal allowances and just eating out anyways.

Personal allowances: $60 each / month. This is slightly higher than I had originally planned, but I'm hoping that the slight increase will make it easier to stick with. For example, $60 will cover a new xBox game. $50 would not.

The rest of our bills are rather subjective. The car insurance is outrageous, and we'll be switching from Geico as soon as we hear from a particular local insurer: the quote from this local insurer is half, HALF, the price Geico is giving us. Boo, Geico. We pay way too much for cable. We have a zillion channels, and if we could pick through we'd probably keep twenty. Maybe twenty-five. Unfortunately, those channels are spread through the premium section. Sigh. Its horrible customer service, though, and we spend an awful lot considering that we don't have DVR capability.

I'm planning on implementing this new budget system December 1. Of course, I also need to budget in Christmas spending, which D usually puts a max of $500 on (spoil sport), but I'll track that separately. And as always, this will be a cash budget. Credit cards are way, WAY too easy to use. So ubiquitous, so evil.

This new plan should actually keep us from dipping into our savings (except for the Christmas spending): depending on how many bi-weekly unemployment checks fall in a given month, we'll be groovy until we have jobs.

And by golly, do I hope that that comes sooner, rather than later.

Which should be soon. I hope.

Financial Re-Cap, July 2009

2009-08-01T02:25:00.001-07:00

Aka: the first full month with Dustin home.

Well, I knew it would be tough. And honestly, I'm not sure where, exactly, we kept pulling cash from, because seriously, it seems to be from our asses. Or off of trees. But here's the not-so-pretty re-cap for July.

Groceries: 391.41
Gas: 69.14
HH Goods: 22
Clothes: 42.67

BudgetUs: 828.35
Eating out: 306.02
Soda/Candy/Snack: 80.43
Ent: 289.40
Haircut: 14.00
Cats: 100.00
Gifts: 38.50

So. Creepy scary in an OMG, wtf kinda way.

Firstly: we didn't overspend on groceries as much as I had feared this month, only by about 10, 15 dollars total. So that was a relief, but still the grocery bill is outrageously high, in my oh so humble opinion, and I cringe everytime I come home.

Next, let's tackle entertainment. I knew when D got home we'd probably buy some more video games, which we did, I knew that we would maybe go out to a movie or two (only one, but still, we did). We also bought an xBox Live Gold subscription for a year, so that was a little expensive, but we'll have it for a full year, and not only does it allow him to play games with people who don't suck at them, but it lets me watch some of my Netflix movies instantly -- whoo hoo! Also, since it was Steph's last few weeks, we may have gone a little crazy. The swap meet, wings night at Kahuna's, the Pyramids followed by the gay club Fusion, etc. So that inflated that number to super high heights.

Lastly, I want to point out Soda/candy/snacks. How out of control is that? Especially considering that for at least 75% of the month I had juice and kool-aid in the fridge! And I can bake cookies and cakes and brownies! I told D we really needed to cut back on our soda consumption, it is very scary. There was one day we consumed seven dollars and fifty cents worth of soda. OMG. If we did that daily, we would be spending over 230 dollars a month on soda! (not to mention be fat ugly slobs!) The problem is, I've gotten used to carbonated beverages. Also, I don't have a dedicated kool-aid container. I was using an old gallon bottle that held water, but it was over a month old, so it was time for it to kick the bucket. So I guess I need to buy a punch container or something to hold my kool-aid. Then I can have it regularly, and just wash the container in the dishwasher and go again... maybe that'll break my addiction to tasty, tasty soda.

We also had three birthday parties to attend this month. Wow.

Anyway, that's my scary re-cap. I showed Dustin how much we spent, and he was all, WHOA. So maybe things'll go better this month. I mean, I let them get that bad last month, right? So maybe if we actually, you know, try, things will work out like they should.

A Pit.

2009-07-23T17:21:00.001-07:00

Something is pulling me down today. I'm not sure what it is, but it's affecting my current outlook on everything. Its hard to find that optimism that I have been striving for. It's even hard to just find an even keel today. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been on the lookout for PPD, and I really, really don't think this is it, since, you know, everyone gets the blues now and again, its just that today things feel particularly hopeless. I just want to get out of this mess, whatever mess "this" is, cause I don't even know, and have a good something. Maybe I need to go out and get some ice cream to make ice cream sundaes with. Maybe I need to get a girlfriend to share my ice cream sundae with. (And by girlfriend I mean FRIEND that is a GIRL, not that I'm trying to turn lesbian, in case you all were worried).

Anyway, if anyone has cheery news for me, leave it in the comments? I could use a pick-me-up today.

Oh.

And today's Lillie's 3rd birthday. Sucks that I feel this way on her birthday, let me tell you.

Laughing at myself.

2009-07-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

First of all, because in the last post I said "stoked". When have I ever said "stoked" before in my life, out loud or otherwise? I'm convinced it's Nikki's fault, of course, because she says "stoked". At least, I think she does ...

Also, because I can't keep anything from being lost. I've lost my phone & my camera four times in the last week. At the moment I'm not even searching for my phone, and when I found my camera this morning it certainly wasn't because I was looking. The only thing I'm bummed about not knowing where it is, is my debit card. I hate it when that goes missing! At least I'm on a cash only plan this pay cycle, so I guess it won't make too much of a difference. I'll just order a new one from NavyFed, with a pin number I can remember.

Good news being that D found his military ID & credit card, so now he can drive back on base... I was stuck with driving half the time and I hate driving. Though not as much as I hate laundry.

I'm going now. Have a good day, ladies.

Homeowner?

2009-07-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, quick update, quickity quick. Firstly, we have completely transitioned to cloth diapers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It seems no different to me than underwear, since Lillie still has a few accidents a week, lol. Granted, Aubrey Joy doesn't have a lot of poop filled diapers -- because she's breastfed, she seems to be on a once a week schedule, and that's A-OK with me -- but even with that taken into account, it really isn't bad at all. And they look soooo cute! (I know, I'm geeking it up now).

Secondly. Sorta bad news -- not bad, just disappointing. I went over my grocery budget for the first time in seven months. !! And not by a little, either. Now, normally I average over a months time, and it might average out to about right, especially since the week before the overage was kinda low, but it was still depressing to look at my grocery receipt.

Thirdly. Budgeting. Ugh. Its much more difficult to stay within the lines with D home. I think that starting next paycheck I will go back to cash only, withdrawing what we can spend. That'll be a challenge for him, I think. I'm used to it, I'm used to staying home and eating here every night, etc. He's not quite there yet. The other problem with budgeting is that now that he's not deployed, our paycheck went down by like, $500. All that really affects is how much goes into savings, of course, but its still a major bummer.

Now, as for the title of the post.

The other day, D & I were driving to Target to buy birthday presents for a couple of little kids, and his mom called to wish me happy birthday! I was in the driver's seat, of course, and there's a hands-free only law in effect in Hawaii now, and I wasn't wearing my Bluetooth, so D answered the phone and talked to his mom for a while. She was trying to impress on him how much renting sucked, and how post-Marine Corps we should buy a house. He was being very sweet (to me, I mean) and told her that he didn't want to trap me in Pennsylvania, so we'd end up selling the house, and what if we couldn't sell it? She demurred (HAH) and the conversation ended shortly thereafter.

After he hung up with her, we started discussing it, because I happen to agree with her, in that it doesn't make any sense to rent. I want to buy a house in PA! (Of course, I also want to rent it out when we decide to move away and buy our real, permanent home, but that's an argument that he and I can have in seven years or so...) He agreed, if we could find a house that the monthly payment would be less than what we'd pay for rent (between 800 and 1100 in the area). I've been looking at houses online, since we are Marine Corps-free in 66 days! (66 DAYS!!!!!) Today, while browsing, I found a four bedroom Victorian in a downtown type area sorta located near the college we plan on attending, for $79,900! With zero dollars down, and a VA loan with 5.5% interest, our monthly payment would be approximately $453. Then of course property taxes and utilities, but OMG how amazing.

I told him this is the sort of property you have to jump on, so I sent the real estate agency an email, and we're going to set up a walk-through for his parents, with a digital camera, and get the ball rolling! My dad's going to look through the history of the property, call the building inspector in town and get the lowdown...

I'm pretty stoked, but I don't want to get too excited ... last time I got too excited, the house I wanted to buy was sold from underneath me. BOO.

Anyway, wish me luck!

Girls Night Out

2009-07-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

So, Steph is leaving soon (*tears!*) and so we decided that we were going to try to fit a coupla girls nights out in there. Tonight it was for Wings & Karaoke at Kahunas, the enlisted bar on base. Her husband M agreed to drive us, so it was upon us to get hammered (that was arabic grammar, btw, yall, kanit behaja aleyna =P), and we did our best. First we had a Trashcan. Its a red bull with three or four shots in it. Then we ordered Sex on the Beach. Neither of us drank them since it turned out to taste like cleaning solution, so we got A Surfer on Acid... kinda coconutty. But other than that I wasn't sure. Afterwards, she repeated her Trashcan, and I ordered a Purple Hooter. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WAS IN IT. But it was purple. And it was pretty good.

At that point, I went up and sang karaoke. I sang a song by Good Charlotte "Girls & Boys" (google the lyrics, its hilarious) and I was at least one octave and a key off. The entire song. I stayed off the whole time, I couldnt even try to find the appropriate pitch. After that, I went to a good ole country song, Joe Diffie's "Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox". I think I mostly hit the right notes there, maybe, but you'd hafta ask Stephanie.

We went and sat back down and had a shot together, something like Washington Apple or whatev's. Then a buncha guys hit on us while we were waiting on M to pick us up -- we were both asked out once, and a few guys asked us to take a shot with them. One just bought us a shot a piece and expected us to drink it. BUT WE KNOW BETTER. LOL.

All in all, it was hilarious. I enjoyed myself immensely. Thanks Stephie!

So ...

2009-06-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

Its been a real ride since my last entry. D is coming home -- no extension. He'll be home tomorrow, insha'allah. Lillie fell out of a second story window. But she's okay!

Hrm, what else? Well:

- Our debt is all paid off.
- I'm using cloth diapers the majority of the time.
- I sold the Mustang for $3,000 within 12 hours of listing it on craigslist!
- I lowered our fixed expenses by decreasing insurance AND by un-installing several applications on my cell phone.
- We got on the WIC program and receive boatloads of food a month (not literally "boatloads")
- I am solely breastfeeding Aubrey Joy.
- We're getting out of the Marine Corps in Sept. (insha'allah, again.)

We're not ONLY using cloth diapers because even though Aubrey Joy fits into them now, we still have a large supply of regular diapers, so I need to use those up before she outgrows them. Other than that, though, I love my cloth diapers. Yes, laundry time is a little gross, and its every other day. But still, I'm glad to be doing my part to reduce our expenses and help greenify the earth.

I've been doing a pretty awesome job staying in budget, too. I have one sad point, and that is that I stopped recording all of my purchases in my book, which I had started again and then quit when I was at the hospital with Lillie for two days... I didn't have the book, didn't always get receipts, and I was saddened by how much I spent in order to just have food while we were there! However, I've promised myself that I'll start recording again July 1. Why not now? Well, since I like to keep track of it and add it all up to see how it matches our budget, my greatest inspiration for keeping track of it all is gone for this month. July will be slightly harder for me to keep track of, mainly because it'll be the first month I have to add D's purchases in. I'll have to ask him to save all receipts and give me an accounting of cash he spends? OR just give him a category called "D's discretionary account"... but that defeats the "seeing where all of our money is going" purpose.

I've had to do quite a bit of number juggling to see what kind of position we'll be in when we get out in September, and I'm quite proud of how far we've come ... I know that my goal was $9,000 in our emergency fund, and we'll definitely have that by then, which is very exciting. I've also met another financial goal for the year, to have invested at least $1,000 in each of our IRA's. No, they aren't fully funded, not by a long shot, but its a heckuva lot better than they were a year ago!

So, once I hit the 9,000 in my emergency savings (which would last us about 5 months, so I'm actually shooting for 11,000 for practicality), where should I put my money then? I was thinking about splitting it a few ways, because I have so many goals ... like, I want to go on vacation for our five year anniversary, which is ... omg, next year, so 18 months from now. And I want it to be a NICE vacation, not a trip to Connecticut (nothing against the state, its just not a vacation state!) I also want to buy a house EVENTUALLY. Now would be better, but I guess that's not practical, seeing as how we won't have jobs very soon. Also, we need to start a "new car" fund.

Not to mention the girls have their own savings accounts -- Lillie actually has over $1,000 in savings at this point. Aubrey Joy is only a month old and has a few hundred!

So I'll have to think about the income allocation... I don't really need to increase our spending power too much, we're getting by on what we have had pretty well -- although I probably need to budget in some spending money for D which I didn't worry about budgeting in for the last seven months. Also, our paycheck is going to change dramatically as of July 15...

Anyway, there's the update. Whoo! Maybe life is actually starting to move forward!

(By the way, Aubrey Joy is sooo cute!!! And of course, Lillie is gorgeous! Who could know I would be so lucky with beautiful daughters!)

Dear God.

2009-06-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

So there are days that try your patience as a parent ... I haven't really had any since I had Aubrey, but today is one.

I woke up and Lillie was covered in poop.

She walked around without panties for like an hour.

Aubrey Joy is fussy and wants me to hold her all the time.

Lillie is doing things she KNOWS she's not supposed to and I just want to run out of the house screaming.

AAAAAAHHHHHH.

Sigh. And it didn't even make me feel better to write about it.

In one fell swoop.

2009-05-30T00:12:00.001-07:00

ITS ALL GONE!

As of today, we are completely and totally debt free. WHOO!!!!11!!

So now all thats left is building up that savings account.

And by the way, we still have no idea about D's extension. But what a load off my mind, to have all that debt disappear! Yayness!

In other news, my two daughters are adorable.

And I've seen Star Trek 4 times -- twice only in the theaters.

Finances.

2009-05-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

So, I've completely ignored finances this month, up until now. While D was home, I made a conscious effort to just enjoy myself and not worry about how much I spent on anything. As long as he was okay with some purchase or other, I/we bought what we wanted, put it on credit, and tried basically to undo all the work I've done the last five months.

That turned out to be impossible, however. Since I have quite a pretty penny away in savings, we'll still be debt-free on the first of June. We just won't have a zillion dollars tucked away when he gets out. At this point, we should have about 8,000 mid September, without selling the Mustang (which we will, I swear) and without, you know, counting in selling back leave.

Selling back leave? In September? Well, it turns out D isn't sure if his extension is going to go through or not. We should know soon, and if it DOESN'T, then we'll be outta the Corps as of Sept 19. My emergency fund will be up to the 9,000 after we sell back leave, of course.

And if he doesn't get out in September (Which honestly, I'm hoping he does -- the money set-up would be totally awesome, but I underestimated how much I wanted him here for Aubrey Joy's life!), we'll have TONS of money. Falling out our ears. In spite of our debt spree. Which really, if you don't include the planned expense of my laptop, totalled about 2,000... and that's including all our groceries, all our gas, everything, because we didn't go by my cash only rule at all this time around, we put everything on plastic for two full weeks. WOW.

Yes, 2,000 is a lot of money to spend in two weeks. But we bought the crib, and video games, and we drove a lot of places. We went out to dinner and ignored the bill, and ordered whatever we wanted. And it was very enjoyable!

Although in the back of my mind, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know, the cars to both break down simultaneously or something. Didn't happen, but still.

So, there's your monthly update on my financial situation. Less full of numbers than normal. LOL. But still.

She's finally here!

2009-05-24T03:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, she's actually a week old.

D was here for the birth, but had to catch a plane two hours later. !! It was terrific to have him there during labor though, not going to lie, but I wish he had gotten more bonding time in before he had to run away.

Welcome to the world, Aubrey Joy!

BabysHere.com: Photo Birth Announcements

Just an Update.

2009-05-02T23:37:00.000-07:00

Baby Aubrey Joy has not come out of my belly yet.

Baby Ava has not come out of Stephanie's belly yet.

D came home a full three days earlier than I expected. (GAH! THE HOUSE WASN'T READY!!)

I had horrible horrible contractions all night Wednesday, which lead to me being very little dilated, but plenty effaced... whoo. Still have a baby in my belly, so that's not fair.

Anyway, I'm still pregnant.

Still.

Time's a-flying.

2009-04-29T01:05:00.000-07:00

And so is my husband, I HOPE.

He should be arriving sometime this weekend, although I don't have a definite time yet, or day, or airline. Because, you know, neither does he.

Mom should be here on Wednesday, as long as she boards and disembarks her planes successfully in ONE WEEK.

Ava should be arriving any day now, since she's DUE ON FRIDAY! (Do you hear me, Ava? Steph's tired of being a glorified incubator, she wants to meet you already so that she can be a glorified slave!)

Aubrey Joy will arrive when she arrives, though hopefully it's on the sooner end rather than later, and she's due in less than three weeks now!

One and half weeks left of work for me.

Can you see why I'm all crazy about the time passing now?

And I still have to clean the living room! And the garage! And the car! And buy a crib / finish painting the one I have! And do the hula! -- ok, doing the hula isn't STRICTLY necessary.

Come together, right now ...

Cloth diapers. Plus.

2009-04-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

Part of cleaning the nursery for A.J. involved folding all the cloth diapers and putting them away (as well as all the clothes, etc...) so I figured while I was folding the diapers, I would FINALLY take a picture for you.

I took it on my phone, so the colors aren't accurate, and the picture isn't really great ... but at least you can see what the heck I'm going on about.

From Lasting!

In other news, Sunny just puked on my kitchen floor, I'm having contractions (probably just the B-H kind, but still painful -- BOO) and now, Sunny is chewing on the box that the pack-n-play is in, probably just to piss me off.

Maybe I should just go to bed and hope that tomorrow is better.

First though, ice cream.

Cleaning Schedule.

2009-04-27T02:12:00.001-07:00

So, since D could be in here in five days (ACK!) I decided its time to switch into high gear concerning the house cleaning. A very detailed list for each room, with 1 (or 2 small) rooms per day.

So far I've cleaned my bedroom, which is hUge, except for vacuuming and getting all of Lillie's clothes away (because I just purchased more hangers for her stuff, since A.J. is using a lot of hangers too!). I also finished the three bathrooms, more or less, down to scrubbing floors and tubs and toilets, and putting the finishing homey touches on them, like trash barrels ( ... ? I know.) Lillie's bedroom is more or less clean; I really want to take the step and play piano out of there but I have to do it when she's not home or she'll probably be angry with me.

Today's project was the kitchen. I think it might have needed to be a project divided into two days. My kitchen is huge. And messy. Because the cats have free rein down here. And Lillie has free rein down here. And therefore, the mess has free rein down here. There's only so much I can do without the cats/Lillie destroying my hard work. For example, I accidently swept a cockroach (EEEEWWWWW) into my dirt pile. I turned around to find the dustpan, and Lillie notices the bug and starts ushering Sunny towards the pile, saying "Kill! Kill!"(or some toddler version of that). So of course, there goes that dirt pile, what with Lillie poking in it and the cat attacking it. *Sighs*

Then I decided half way through the day that Lillie and I needed a break, so we went and finished out our shopping lists for making the rooms all ready and also, picking up some of the final items for A.J. and a gift for Ava (who should be making her appearance any day now, Steph!) So I cut the day in half and went shopping. When I returned home, one of my friends texted me, needing a sitter so that she could finish moving her worldly goods from one house on base to another. So after dinner we went there. Needless to say, my kitchen isn't clean. It needs the floors washed, swept, some of the counters are still kinda full, etc.

It does look a damn sight better, though, as Stephanie so thoughtfully commented when she walked in. (J/k Steph, you didn't say anything horrible. I just like to tease you!)

Tomorrow is supposed to just be the nursery AKA dumping ground for anything and everything baby. I guess I'll add kitchen to the list for tomorrow too. Yay.

By the way, at Target today? I finally bought a self-cleaning litterbox. WOOT.

Now, hopefully my cats will use it. It didn't come with a top, so I might have to buy one in order to get them to!

Personal Financial Statement

2009-04-24T01:50:00.000-07:00

While browsing the internet, I found something interesting: a personal financial statement template. One of the blogs I was reading, blog.wantingwhatyouhave.com, mentioned that in their adventures in climbing out of debt, one of their regular motivational tools was a personal financial statement, that they updated every six months.

Well, I sort of do a net worth type update once a month, very informal, and I don't really post it here, but I found this to be intriguing, so I though, since I'm planning on being debt-free in six months, it would be interesting to look at the difference in our financial statement. And of course, rather than just save it on my computer, I figured it would be easier for me to access here on the blog. So, enjoy.

Personal Financial Statement of L & D W.

As of 04/23/2009

Assets:

Cash - checking accounts : $ 410.79

Cash - savings accounts: $ 4615.44

Certificates of deposits: $ 1874.54

Securities (stocks etc) : $ 161.34

Personal property (2 cars) : $ 8300.00 (based on blue book website)

Retirement funds: $ 2928.76

Total Assets: $18,290.87

Liabilities:

Current credit card debt (2) : $ 1117.73

Current personal loan: $ 1783.03

Total liabilities: $2900.06

Net worth: $15,390.81

When I look at that number my brain boggles. To make it more understandable for me, I prefer to take my cars out of the picture (although that's not FAIR!!) since, you know, I could wreck them or whatnot. Or give them away. Or forget where I parked them at the store and just walk home. With that adjustment to our net worth, the total still comes out to a whopping $7,090.81. Holy crap.

In posting this, I used real-time data -- aka, I didn't subtract the cash from our checking account that I'm going to be withdrawing for daycare and groceries tomorrrow. I also didn't subtract specific debt that will be paid off with my husband's extension bonus. And I suppose this laptop could count as personal property? But I would not have the slightest idea how to account for it. What would it re-sale for? Who the heck knows!

In six months, I anticipate that our net worth will be drastically altered. We should, theoretically, have no liabilities, and a heck of a lot more in savings. I'm also hoping to sell one of the two cars -- although I have no hopes of receiving the blue book value, as a quick craigslist search for a similar car reveals that the blue book is a little inflated. The Mustang, in mint condition, with a lot fewer miles, is selling (or at least listing!) for $6,000. I'm hoping to get at least $3,000, but even $2,000 would make me happy. So, here's my projected net worth (if that's how I would correctly use that term) for October 23, 2009 , including the Saturn's worth, and $2,000 of hoped for Mustang sale income: $28,660.

That's of course, a rough guess. And it doesn't include the extension bonus, and it DOES follow my normal schedule of debt-relief. So if something changes along the way, those numbers will be a little different too. But it'll be interesting to see how close it comes in six months.

But you may need to remind me.

Edit: I did the numbers wrong. I've already changed them so that you don't ever have to see my failure. But I wanted to tell you that I did mess it up, and had to re-do it. Cause I'm freakin honest like that.

It Was FREE ICE CREAM DAY.

2009-04-22T03:18:00.001-07:00

What did you expect I would do?

Well, instead of cleaning/sleeping/watching American Idol tonight, I heard (at six thirty) that Ben & Jerry's was giving out free ice cream cones (until eight!) so I turned to Lillie and asked her if she'd rather watch television (ie American Idol) or go shopping (ie to the mall and get ice cream). I DID NOT mention the ice cream, since I knew that would be a vote getter, and she picked shopping.

Some days, like grocery days, she really hates shopping. Why, on a non-grocery day, is she all gung-ho? Sigh.

Anyway, I packed us up into the car -- Lillie brought along the remaining french fries from our dinner tonight, hamburgers and fries, look at Laurel the gourmet, and we went to the mall.

I forgot to bring the stroller, so against my better judgment, I let Lillie walk with the monkey backpack.

She was an angel. I think the promise of ice cream helped. After we finished our cones (she ate Chunky Monkey!) we went to Borders and I let her pick out a book and pay for it. It went very well, except that she kept trying to interrupt the lady in front of us in line to pay ("Scuse ME!! SCUSE ME!!" lol). Then we came home, and she went to bed.

I considered, briefly, doing the same myself, as I was very tired at that point.

But what's the fun in that?

I took tons of pictures of Lillie eating ice cream, and I'm looking for the appropriate format to post them up here, so once I figure that out, you'll get Lillie with Chunky Monkey in your faces. LOL.

If anyone asks why I decided last minute to take my two year old daughter to the mall after dinner time on a week day, I'll just have to explain : pregnant people don't turn down free ice cream cones.

Nesting comes along.

2009-04-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

So, I have now added one more almost completely clean room to my collection -- my bathroom. It is the hideous one in the house, because its used for EVERYTHING. Every shower, every bath, and most of the time, the toilet is more frequently used than the others too, since Lillie thinks using Mommy's potty is just the best thing ever. This leads to a lot of mess build-up. But as of right now, all that's left to do is wash the floor.

And I'll probably do that before going to bed tonight, due to my obsessive nature.

That brings my totally clean rooms list to four (five if you count the upstairs hallway!): the guest bathroom aka the cat bathroom -- I finally took the extra cat box out of there because I don't even leave that door open for them anymore, I just don't have the energy or care to clean TWO cat boxes -- the downstairs bathroom aka the half-bath aka Bob's former bedroom (until two cats decided to attack and eat the poor guy), the nursery (which actually still needs to be vacuumed, now that I think about it, but I can't exactly vacuum while Lillie's trying to sleep!) and the master bath.

I've also done a gazillion loads of laundry and folded *most* of the clean clothes after they come out of the dryer. I have some left on my bed, so I'll have to come up with something to do with them, but in the meantime, I think I've washed almost all the clothes for Aubrey Joy, including her cloth diapers (gasp with excitement!) and hung up the 0-3 months/folded and put into hiding anything larger than that.

How am I actually accomplishing stuff? Well, first of all, getting home before 9pm really helps. Secondly, having a toddler that isn't a huge cranky pants because her daycare provider doesn't give her naptime (or panties?! more on that in a bit) really helps, because I can move without her crying. And some days in the last few weeks, me moving really was enough to set her off. Thirdly, I make a short but determined list for the day. Today read: bathroom, laundry, clean taco mess, bedroom, check bank balances, cancel the bed from toys'r'us.

The only thing I didn't even start on was cancelling the bed -- the easiest thing on the list, right? *rolls eyes* Maybe I didn't finish everything on my list (there is one load that is about to get put in the dryer, but I'm not going to stay up and fold it! and my bedroom will require several DAYS of devoted cleaning) but I did work on it all. And I did it by staying away from my computer, mostly. Since I'm an internet addict.

OH! So I switched Lillie to the old daycare provider Angela again. I am so glad I did. I didn't realize how much stress I was in over having her at the other place until I picked Lillie up today. While I was there, one of the other moms mentioned to me that she was surprised that I managed to get Lillie potty trained when the other daycare provider wasn't helping.

I was all, "Wha?"

Apparently, the other lady would take Lillie out of her panties and put her in diapers all day long, and then put her panties back on before I picked Lillie up, then LIE to me about how the potty training went all day long. No wonder Lillie started hating going there. That kind of thing really pisses me off.

The only reason the other mom knew was her kid was at the other place for two weeks while Angela was on vacation, and she'd pick up her kid in the middle of the day, so she SAW LILLIE IN DIAPERS. Lillie hasn't been wearing diapers with me, or Stephanie, or anyone else except this crazy woman for the last month.

I'm in utter shock. And this woman doesn't understand why I'd want to leave her care? OMFG.

But at least we're back at Angela's now. That woman is a life saver, I wish I had never taken Lillie out. I did what I thought was best at the time, but now, I just want to kick my past self in the butt.

My cats seem personally offended by my cleaning spree. Despite the fact that they got a clean litter box, new food dishes, and a clean kitty area out of the deal. They follow me upstairs, and sit outside my bedroom door and howl while I fold laundry. At least they aren't peeing on the couch.

Oh. I took a late night bath the other night, and while looking for a book to read and relax with, I came across a book I thought was lost forever -- "Learned Optimism". Apparently, lost forever means on a bookshelf, mostly where it belongs. *blushes* I didn't read it in the bath, but it is now in my purse for those few moments I have free for reading.

A beach day.

2009-04-19T03:00:00.001-07:00

Three weeks in a row with beach days! Who would've thought?

Granted, last week's trip I'm not sure counts, because we didn't plan on going to the beach, I just kind of drove there after breakfast and we were in our regular clothes and then it started raining and we had to head home, but still.

I mentioned yesterday that I planned on going on taking Lillie on an Easter Egg hunt, but I ended up not going for multiple reasons, one of which being severe social anxiety --- I just don't do strangers very well ...

Instead, I took Lillie to the beach this afternoon with Stephanie and a couple of other moms who happen to have little girls approximately Lillie's age.

It was so great! We went in the late afternoon, around 3:30-4 ish, and it was still quite warm, and the sun was still out, and Lillie had a blast! I think it was one of the best, most relaxing times I've had in the last few months. Everything stresses me out, right? But in addition to it being the beach and therefore a de-stresser, and being able to talk to other adult women for a little bit, Stephanie's hand in parenting always helps ease my stress a little bit -- I know that if I have my back to her and Lillie decides that its time to go dive into the ocean, then Steph probably notices and will grab her before she drowns. Which is a huge weight off my mind, lol.

It was just a very good way to spend a Saturday afternoon after having such a lonely day yesterday. Thank goodness for Hawaii and beaches.

Whoops.

2009-04-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently I just played an April Fool's joke on Lillie.

I had taken the little bowl out of her potty chair to wash it, and it was drying in the bathroom.

Can you already see where this is going?

Lillie was in her room admiring my decorating job (I bought her a Cars bedset and some Cars wall stickers -- I bought a border too but I'm going to need to actually glue that up because it won't stick!!) and I had stepped out for a moment to get her panties to wear to bed... when I walked in she had the top off the chair and was yelling "Need to potty mommy!"

So I escorted her quickly to the bathroom, but she didn't quite make it. On the way. In front of the toilet. In the hall. And none of it made it into the toilet.

Sigh.

My bad.

And right after a bath too!

Tripler L&D tour.

2009-04-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

First of all, I wanted to announce officially here that our baby girl finally has a name: Aubrey Joy! (She even gets a middle name! LOL)

I had a doctor's appt today, and it went really well -- I gained four pounds since my last visit, which is great because my midwife told me she wouldn't accept less than three, and then I added an extra one on! (LOL) AJ is also measuring right according to my belly height, so we're on target! Oh, and her head is nestled firmly in my pelvis. Which explains the frequent blows to my ribs. (Rolls eyes)

After that I scheduled the labor and delivery tour -- which I was supposed to do a month and a half ago, but really, did I have the time? NO. Its offered at an extremely inconvenient time for me! But since I had today off from work, I figured I'd only drive out to Tripler once.

That was really hard for me. It was unexpectedly hard. I don't know, I guess I didn't think I'd be the only not part of a couple person there. Because with Lillie, I had to drag D to the hospital to go on the tour with me! So I figured that there'd be at least a few solo girls, or even other preggers with deployed husbands like me.

Not on this tour.

I noticed immediately, but it wasn't horrible unless we were waiting for something to happen ... that's when the wives would all be leaning on their husbands and having their backs and bellies rubbed and babies talked to and kissed on the head and such. I deal pretty well with being alone on a daily basis, I don't even think about it in terms of that a lot of days, but I think tonight is one of the curl up in my bed and cry nights. Ball of hormones indeed.

I think the situation was exacerbated by the fact that I didn't have work today, actually. The ladies at work are so great at being my support and keeping me company, so I only have to deal with facing the weekends all alone, and then nobody responded to my text messages practically all day so I was isolated. And of course, I missed D's phone call this morning.

So I'm feeling lonely. And tonight I'll have a good cry, and tomorrow I'm going to take Lillie to an Easter Egg hunt with a whole bunch of other moms there, at least ONE of which is also a mom with a deployed husband, so I'll feel less out of place there. Good stuff, right?

Let's Talk About Honesty.

2009-04-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

This one's a big deal for me, for a multitude of reasons that I don't want to get into right now. Basically, I am working really hard to become more forthright, with myself, with my friends, my family, even with strangers sometimes (like, I told one potential babysitter that I thought her rates were absurdly high but I would pay them if I couldn't find another sitter. She politely told me the next day that she was no longer available to watch my daughter!)

I guess I just feel like there's so much bull shit going on, being said, thrown about, about important things, that I really dislike watching that pile grow. So, no, I didn't tell my daughter that the Easter Bunny at Denny's this morning was actually a waitress in a costume, but I also didn't tell her that the Easter Bunny is the one who made her Easter Basket. As a matter of fact, I didn't even tell her that I made her Easter Basket, since I wasn't. (It was magicalaccounting elves, in case you were wondering!)

Mainly I try not to lie to myself, on the bottom level. If I didn't do the dishes tonight (which I actually DID, but there are many nights that that just isn't true) or didn't clean out the cat box (which I did NOT do, despite it being on my four item to-do list), I don't kid myself about the reason why. Yes, I'm pregnant and tired. Yes, I worked hard / ran around with Lillie all day long. So? I have the energy to stay up until 11pm writing blog posts and watching silly internet videos! I didn't do it because I didn't want to. Because I was feeling lazy. Because my willpower dropped and it was no longer important to me. But it was because I didn't want to. I didn't want to get up, cover my face with something to avoid the stench, put the cats in the garage, carry the catbox outside, put a trash bag in the trash can I no longer use for household trash, dump the cat box, scrape the cat box, fill the cat box back up, sweep the whole kitchen, sanitize the catbox area, bring the cats back in from the garage, walk the gross poopy bag out to the trash can at the curb, and then unwrap my face. That's a lot of steps for me to do for something I really don't want to do, for cats that I currently despise more than Avril Lavigne.

This post wasn't meant to be me going on and on about the cat box, by the way.

So I try not to lie to myself. In addition to that, I encourage my friends not to lie to themselves, and I don't lie to them either. If one of them is in a crappy spot in her marriage/job/financial situation, I will listen sympathetically, of course, but if my opinion is asked, they know what they're asking for, which is that I will be blunt. And so sometimes, they just don't ask, and you know what? That's fine. There are times when I don't want to examine things too closely either. But if they've mentioned that they know they have a problem with something, like a super ass of a husband, and it happens to be true, I'm not going to argue. And then two days later, when he has apologized for pissing all over her clothes in a fit of rage and promises to be the perfect husband from then on (SO DID NOT HAPPEN to any of my friends, its the most generic thing I could think of to demonstrate ass-ness), I shake my head when she tells me how much better things are. Because, sweetie, things are only going to be better for a few days. If there's a pattern, its not going to just disappear because he said sorry. How many times has he said sorry, anyways?

This post is also not meant to be a rant on any of my girlfriends or their husbands, either.

One area that I've had EXTREME difficulty in being honest in is with my beloved ones. My mother, my husband, ... that's actually it, I think. I had a breakthrough with my mother a few weeks ago, and while I felt horrible because sometimes, the truth seems nasty, I'm really glad that I found the balls to confront her rather than just feeling really bitchy about the whole situation and hoping it goes away or resolves itself. My husband has been a different matter.

My friends (the same ones that I encourage honesty with strongly) accuse me sometimes of tiptoe-ing around things with him. We don't have a perfect marriage, of course, since that doesn't exist, but I help make it not perfect by NOT TELLING HIM when he does something that upsets me -- or doesn't do something, which upsets me, which is actually the case more often than not. But I sent hubby an email tonight, which was mildly confrontational (GASP!) and I'm not actively angry with him, which is usually the only time I will get confrontational. Did I feel bad after hitting send? Absolutely. Mildly so, but absolutely I did. Because he's got a lot on his plate right now without having to be hit over the head with my issues with him. But so do I!

And, as my friends point out oh-so-helpfully to me, we'd have to deal with them eventually, and when he returns from deployment and we're transitioning into the civilian world is not the most wonderful time to choose to deal with it all.

So, I am glad that I sent that email. Even though it might (in a miniscule way) make him feel bad (it wasn't really that confrontational, it was just more so than I normally am -- think fluffy pink bunnies, and that's my normal level), I think that it will (possibly) help us move into a better place in our marriage.

At least, that's my hope.

I read somewhere that the average person lies 3 times per ten minutes of conversation. That's verbal deception, by the way, our body language etc actually lies MUCH more frequently than that. So if I can reduce my lies to 2 every ten minutes, I'll feel pretty accomplished, I think. On the other hand, there's no measurement of how much an average person engages in self-deceit, so I guess all I can do on that front is keep truckin'.

And neither of those are lies by omission, which are the type that I engaged in most frequently and am in the process of navigating away from. They're the easiest lies for us non-confrontational folks, right?

(And yes, the husband thing was the actual point of this post, I wanted to share with someone before I laid my head down on a pillow that I am actively striving towards greater honesty in my marriage, and not just hoping it'll fantastically arrive via magical accounting elves).

A pat on the back for me.

2009-04-12T02:11:00.001-07:00

Here's to me.

Because I let the little things excite me. The stepping stones along my path invigorate me. Even little things like $2.90 worth of dividends make me whoop with joy! Honestly, you have no idea how frequently I thought of those dividends in the past two days, and every time, they made me smile.

At this point, I would normally say something along the lines of "Yes, you're right, I am pathetic." However, today I am choosing to view my strong reaction to the good little things in life as an indication that the whole optimism thing is going, if not swimmingly, much better than I had previously thought. I mean, sure, things upset me along the way, I have tripping stones instead of stepping stones sometimes, but I can and do move on from those places.

For example, I overspent on clothes last month and put those clothes on my credit card. What did I do? Did I spend more money in despair since I just KNEW I'd never get it paid off anyways so I might as well enjoy myself? No. I scrimped a little more, let money get a little tighter, and now, my credit card is at negative thirty cents. Yes, I moaned and complained about it, but I am pregnant. And by myself with a two year old. And I think that I keep a very generously positive outlook on life despite some of the setbacks that occur.

Speaking of optimism, my most recent update on my goal stated that I was going to try to treat Ash like any one of my other co-workers in hopes that I could maybe have a slightly better relationship with her. I didn't expect to be bosom buddies or anything, but feeling less than fearful when she walked by my desk was the hoped for outcome. Of course, right after I resolved myself to do that, she was out for a week sick. BUT. I think it's working, now. It took a while to see, but we seem to have conversations about not necessarily work-related things with jokes in them -- and even work-related jokes was an improvement from where Ash and I stood before.

So. As I said. Yay me! Now its time to celebrate by ... going to bed!

AND ITS OUTTA THERE!

2009-04-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

4/10/9

BA ELECTRONIC PAYMENT

-$48.82

-$0.30

Ya know what that means?

I DON'T OWE ANY MORE MONEY TO BANK OF AMERICA!

One credit card down, one card and a loan to go.

Whoo! Celebration time!

(And, whoops, apparently I overpaid by 30 cents!)

Dividends?!

2009-04-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know what they are, I just never expected to get any.

And I received dividends on my IRA investment (OF $2.90!!) and on one of my boring stocks (which is automatically less boring because it gives dividends -- of .17!) Ok, so seventeen cents is not the stuff of which dreams are made, but still... I never realized that the stocks I invested in were going to give me dividends!

Which is why I'm devoting a whole post to them!

I considered briefly writing a song about them, but I think a haiku will work better for all involved.

AHEM.

Paid to stockholders,

money appears like magic.

Dividends for me!

After doing a quick google search, it has been revealed to me that there is a website devoted to picking stocks that issue dividends.

WOW! Now I can make INFORMED DECISIONS! SURREAL!

Sarcasm, off.

I don't want to talk about my day. Suffice it to say, dividends are the only good part, and when less than three dollars worth of dividends is what makes my day, that means it was pretty sucky.

But. Yay for dividends!

Edit: Apparently I get money market dividends too? For the money that sits in my account not earning interest waiting for there to be enough for me to invest! Wow!

Cloth Diapers!

2009-04-09T01:14:00.000-07:00

THEY CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY!

I ordered them at like, midnight on Saturday/Sunday. The charge was processed on Monday morning, they were sent out Monday afternoon ... and they arrived on Wednesday.

Now THAT'S service.

I'll post pictures later. Its bedtime, so I want to sleep. But I had to share my excitement with you.

Photos.

2009-04-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

Just to more strongly reinforce my addiction to photo-editing, I would like to show you a few photos that I took early this year, in both their previously unadulterated version, and the absolutely beautiful version-ish thing. I think, as a side note, that I will end up getting photoshop for my new computer if I decide not to get a Mac (Which, by the way, is the best multi-media system out there, or so I have heard), mainly because I want to experiment with these things that P-Dub mentions, called "masks". Should I ever get photoshop, I will show you what I mean. In the meantime, an enjoyable diversion.

First off, a disclaimer: some of these photos were shot on Michelle's camera. Some, in fact, were shot by Janelle, who has an excellent eye and a flare for drama. So if a few of the starting shots are better than you'd expect from me, its probably because they weren't from me. I'll point them out as we go.

From Lasting!

(Yes, these pictures are smaller than the ones I normally post, since its a picture heavy post). This is the original shot (January 09, in case you were wondering).

From Lasting!

This is the edited version. Not a really noticeable difference, I guess, but I think its a much better picture.

Hold on, it really does start getting drastic.

From Lasting!

This one is almost embarrassing. These are the roses D sent me for Christmas. Absolutely beautiful, and I was very frustrated trying to get the picture right. In hindsight, it might have worked better if I had taken them outside. That would've gotten rid of those yellow colors right away.

From Lasting!

The edited version. I got rid of the green table with wrapping paper scraps and tried to brighten up the picture a little. I sure wish I had thought to use natural light though. Nuts. Next time.

HAH.

From Lasting!

This one was taken by Janelle on Michelle's camera. Note how the colors are much more intense straight out of the camera than mine are. I wish I had her camera. Then again, mine was only a hundred bucks and its pink, so WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

From Lasting!

Okay, I lied about the it gets more dramatic part. But doesn't this one look nicer? Just with some cropping and some color enhancement?

The next one is dramatic. I checked.

From Lasting!

This is taken with Michelle's camera, but I can't credit the shot to anyone: all I know is that that's my fork in the picture, so it wasn't taken by me. This pose, by the way, is known as Lillie's LALALA pose. Michelle taught it to her so that she could tune out Uncle Richie. It was pretty funny.

From Lasting!

THERE. Now THAT'S DRAMA.

Wait. With the small one I don't think you can tell. Let me try again.

From Lasting!

Okay, I'm almost done boring you. One landscape shot, then a surprise!

Actually, I lied about the landscape shot. It was too dull. Surprise!

From Lasting!

Its me! And I'm only 14 weeks pregnant! Or something! If I weren't lazy, I would go back and count, but honestly, I'm 34 weeks right now, you expect me to use energy? I was somewhere between 12 and 20, ok?

From Lasting!

Don't I look fabulous? Do a quick comparison:

From Lasting!

Yeah. I totally looked fabulous. Man.

That's it for tonight, folks. Hope it was enjoyable!

Psst. Hey. You. WAKE UP. Its embarrassing for me!

The Crib. The Dilemma

2009-04-07T00:57:00.001-07:00

Okay. So for those of you following my saga of crib development, its primered. Yay.

This post is not about that crib.

I went to Target with Stephanie the other weekend and saw this crib:

Its fabulous. The little drawer underneath? The changer built into the side? The little side with a shelf and a diaper bin? Its perfect. Its exactly what I've always wanted and NEVER EVEN KNOWN ABOUT.

Its also 249.00. So I thought, well, I'll ask D. He's the sensible one in the family when it comes to spending money. He'll probably tell me that we can make do with what we have. And really, I value his opinion on stuff like that because he usually doesn't just give in.

He said yes.

Now, I don't know if that's because he thinks we could really use one of those and its worth spending the money on? Or if its because I asked for it and I have been really good about not asking to spend money on frivolous things in the last few months? But now I'm trying to decide if its frivolous or not...

I mean, if I got this crib, I would continue painting the other one, because that one I would convert into a toddler bed for Lillie, and I could cease and desist on my search for a toddler bed. And I would sell the other changing table, since no one needs TWO. I think. At least, I wouldn't need two, since at no point would two babies need changing at the same time with only me there. They'd have to go one at a time, if I had more than one (baby) for some reason. So I would sell or give away the other one.

So I guess the dilemma here is, is it worth it to get this super awesome crib to spend that money? OR should I just buy a cheap-o toddler bed like I've been planning? I mean, sure, I still have no way of transporting said cheap-o toddler bed, and I actually think I have someone to help me pick up the crib...

I have a hard time spending money right now, since I'm so focused on my goals this year. Is this a bad thing? Should I buy the crib? Or just file it away as a fond pipe dream and finish painting the crib before baby arrives?

Input, please?

Financial Re-Caps, February and March

2009-04-06T01:03:00.000-07:00

I know you've been dying to see these (not) but here is Feb and March.

February:

Groceries ..................................... 350.42

HH Goods .................................... 105.50

Gas ............................................... 63.83

Entertainment ............................. 55.92

Eating Out ................................... 92.33

Clothes ........................................ 55.72

Cards/Gifts ................................. 8.84

BudgetMe ................................... 72.02

Budget ME is going to officially undergo a name change, just like I changed it before... previously it was Impulse Groceries, then it morphed into Budget Me, and now I think it would be fair to just call it is it is : Soda/Candy. Am I proud that this is a category? No. Am I proud that not only is a category but it somehow took up 72 dollars in February? HECK no. But that's all that I put into the specifically called "Budget Me" so... Soda/Candy it is. Maybe it'll embarass me into consuming less.

March:

Groceries .................................. 299.22

HH Goods ................................. 561.10

--- Tax Return Goods 73.04

--- Stroller/ car seat 429.10

--- All else ended up 58.96

Gas ............................................ 52.24

Clothes ..................................... 202.49

--- Tax Return Goods 50.20

--- Bought on Credit 86.00

--- All else ended up 66.29

Eating Out ............................... 76.60

Entertainment ........................ 104.10

--- Books (2nd hand!) 11.25

--- Toys (aka bribes) 17.33

--- Crafts (cake pops) 75.52

Soda/Candy ............................ 21.93

Gifts ......................................... 18.96

I had a difficult time characterizing the nature of my cake pop making purchases. SOME of the things I bought were simply groceries, like cake mix and sprinkles. Some were lasting (but not durable) household goods, like food coloring and lollipop sticks. However, they were all bought with a specific project in mind, so I decided to just cut out the lollygagging and classify them as entertainment. Will I spend 76 dollars on making cake pops again? PROBABLY NOT. But it was a really fun distraction, the second batch turned out gorgeous, and I can make them (although less beautiful) without spending anymore money right now, since I happen to have a box of cake mix left, as well as sticks, candy, etc. All I would need to buy is frosting.

I'm very not proud of the clothes I bought on credit ... I believe I had a previous post relating to how not proud I was, but I did manage to get a lot of baby things, and I've already paid it off. As a matter of fact, I am currently 48 dollars away from a ZERO BALANCE on that credit card! I'm dying from the excitement. It'll be all paid off by next Friday. Then I'll just have one more Credit Card and the loan and we'll be out of debt. Completely. And that should only take one and a half more months, so June First it is! WHOO! I'm almost to my goal, despite trying to hamstring myself. Just need to get through this month without going insane. And since I'll be working from 8 am until 8pm, when will I find time to spend money? (HAH)

Fun Weekend.

2009-04-06T00:50:00.001-07:00

Well, I worked all day Saturday, so that part wasn't actually TOO fun, but then when I got home, Steph and I took Lillie to a bbq my neighbors were having (I know, I ACTUALLY socialized with real people!) and that was pretty fun. I might actually remember some of their names, too. =P Good food, nice people, Lillie wasn't too obnoxious...

after we ate, Lil, Steph and I went to Target and bought (big surprise) baby stuff! WOO! My list of things I need before baby is born is getting more and more crossed off. Which is great, because I was beginning to feel like I was never going to have everything, and now its all falling into place. =D

I also bought Lillie more panties. She got some super cute Elmo panties, in a 4T. I usually buy the 2t/3t size, but target didn't have any girls panties in those sizes, and the boys briefs weren't cars, so I figured I might as well go one size up, since the worst that can happen is she'll grow into them.

She had an accident last night, a bad one, an on-purpose one, so I put her in a pull-up overnight for A) punishment, since only babies wear diapers, and B) so that I could sleep in guilt-free. That doesn't make me a bad parent, right? =P When we got up, I let her pick out which pair of Elmo panties she wanted to wear and that made everything all right in the world. PLUS, she remembered to use the potty last night instead of peeing in her pull-up, so I was really proud of her.

Today we went to the beach and then the swimming pool on base. It was a lot of fun, I had Stephanie take a few pictures of me and Lillie before I left (Since Lil and I tired her out the night before, she stayed home from this adventure!) and they turned out pretty good. I had to run them through the photo-editor, of course, and the first one I did I botched pretty bad, but I was so tired I didn't notice (I took a nap right after we got home from the beach and pool -- I got sunburned!!) So I ran it through again along with a few others for your viewing pleasure.

From Lasting!

In addition to all of that, I'm excited to say that I finally purchased my cloth diapers last night! They should get here by Friday, I think? Or early next week. I'm really anticipating this a lot... its my first step towards doing what I really want to do with this baby -- the cloth -diapering, breast-feeding, natural parenting that I'm really leaning towards strongly. Now if only she had a name...

Due to all the crazy fun we had this weekend, I did not do a single lick of cleaning. Including dishes and laundry. So as soon as I'm done procrastinating - er, posting pictures of my beautiful daughter, I have to go do at least dishes and laundry. BOO. But if its not done now, when, exactly, will I have the time to do it? NEVER.

Baby project.

2009-03-31T01:42:00.000-07:00

So I made something for Carson when Charity was pregnant, and I've agonized over what to make Steph's baby, Ava, and I finally, FINALLY, decided. There are just so many cute crochet patterns out there to choose from, but this seemed to fit my time / materials etc the best.

Link to the pattern.

Its a sweater dress, which some of you may view as inappropriate for Hawaii -- however, babies have different temperature monitors than we do, and our houses are often too cold for a baby. Plus, they're short sleeved, so a few minutes out in the shade or something wouldn't be bad.

I found another project that I'm going to take up as soon as I'm done with Ava's dress -- although it may hold off until I can make Ava a blanket too, since those are just so much fun to make. And booties, which I discovered take a whole fifteen minutes per foot.

Anyway, this is the other project.

The project after. (This one is obviously more suited towards wintering somewhere chilly. But hopefully I will be?)

Yay for crafting! And the internet!

And just wait until I get my quilting thread so I can finish the quilt I started before Lillie was born.

And my sewing machine threaded so that I can finish some receiving blankets.

Nesting, anyone?

My new favorite picture.

2009-03-30T02:53:00.000-07:00

She's so cute. =D

I know, I know ...

2009-03-30T02:35:00.000-07:00

This isn't supposed to be a photography blog, so to speak.

But this is SO COOL.

So here are two pictures of Lillie. I took them at the same time, one right after the other. One of them, I edited in Photoscape. The other I just let be, mainly so that you can see the difference. I actually edited it right after posting it up here, since the other one turned out so good. =P

From Lasting!

This is how our typical Sunday morning goes. Sunday morning is breakfast, breakfast clean up, potty time, then we go to the playground in our area. I hang out there, usually while we are there I get a phone call from D (but not today =/) then we head back (usually running) because Lillie has to use the bathroom and we live about, eh, a 5 minute walk away. Maybe 3 minutes. Still a long time for a two year old though. After that, we play at the house, then start lunch. Usually I will wait until Lillie has gone down for her nap before I start my baked goods portion of the day, but today I let her help me make chocolate chip cookies.

From Lasting!

Since she helped me make them, I let her lick the beater. =P Then naptime. Sometimes after naptime we actually leave the house for something or another, but pretty much every Sunday Stephanie comes over for a little while as Lillie's nap is ending. She hangs out until dinner, then Lillie and I go upstairs for her bath and bed. Usually Steph shows herself out sometime around then.

Then I look around the house and think, crap, and my weekend is over.

Not today though, I actually got a lot done this weekend, so I'm not complaining about the small messes that are left (although I do need to pick up the dirt pile in the middle of the kitchen floor!) My main two accomplishments though, are the laundry (almost all caught up AND hung on hangers AND in the correct rooms, including all the clean baby2 stuff!!) and finally getting the crib all primered. I had one piece left that I just kept putting off... but it's primered now, so as soon as I feel like it, I can primer the changing table OR I can jump straight into the base coat of white. (Such a shocking change from the primer AND original color, I know...)

On a side note, this will be my first week with long days in it, starting Wednesday night (until 8:30, probably? LONG LONG day.) I refuse to work late on Fridays, though, since I grocery shop and spend quality pizza time with Lillie on Fridays, so this week it'll just be Wed & Thurs. Next week will be Monday - Thursday late nights, then regular Friday. Then the week after that, it should only be Monday - Wednesday late nights, since that Wednesday will be the 15th. Afterwards, I should be able to complete everything on my own schedule again, so it'll be back to shorter days. PLUS, I get that Friday off. Whoo! I'll probably take short lunches these two and half weeks too, just to have more time to get stuff done. Then I will fall into bed as soon as I get home and cuddle Lillie.

Yay for workaholics!

All Panties, All the Time.

2009-03-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

Lillie decided last night that diapers, all diapers, every diaper ever in existence, was icky. No more diapers. So. I "let" her wear panties all night. (The reason its in quotes is that I ddin't really have much of a choice, she pretty much just let me know she was wearing panties all night and contorted any time I got near her with the dreaded diaper. LOL)

I put the potty chair in the room with her, hoping and praying that maybe that would help cut down on floor pee spots (as Lillie does not just pee in her sleep, she will actually get up and out of bed first) and for good measure, stuck her on the toilet at 11:30. She was almost still asleep, but no pee.

But in the morning, when I went in to retrieve her for the day, her panties were dry, and there was pee in the toilet! Yay for Lillie! She's finally getting it... she went out with Selma today to the park, and Selma kept her in panties the whole time, and Lillie was accident-free! Then I took her out to dinner after work / daycare today... she told me that she needed to use the bathroom twice. And went both times!

I know, I know, I'm so enthusiastic its disgusting, right? But seriously, I wasn't thinking that we'd have the over night panties thing going until after D got back. I mean, I'm too tired to get up in the middle of the night to escort her to the bathroom, you know? But, it worked out last night, so she's in panties again tonight. And by the way? She's over 36 hours accident-free. WHOO LILLIE!

Third Place! And Household Adventures

2009-03-24T01:49:00.000-07:00

Which isn't even second to last loser, since there were more than four people in the contest! Whoo! There were like, ten! Yay for Bakerella's cupcake pops!

Everyone who has seen the pictures (at work, where they got to eat the first, not so lovely batch) is amazed at how good looking they came out. All I can say is, when you actually follow directions instead of cutting corners, things turn out better. =P

Also, in other news, I started (FINALLY!) the painting of the furniture for the baby's room. For those of you don't know about this undertaking of mine, I was thoroughly convinced I was having a boy, and my white crib was just too girly. So I decided to make it a metallic crackled finish. I wandered into Home Depot, debit card in hand (since this was in the days BB-- before budget) and picked up the crackle paint and the metallic paint. Then I thought that maybe I should ask a paint expert if there was anything I needed to do before painting, like sanding or something? So I told the paint person what my plan was.

After looking at me like I was crazy, she informed me that I needed to clean the surface thoroughly, then paint on a primer coat, then a base coat, then the crackle coat, then the metallic coat, and if I actually wanted it to be safe for baby, I would add on a sealer as well.

At this point I had decided that THISWASWHATTHECRIBWOULDLOOKLIKE, and so I shrugged and thought naively, that shouldn't be a problem.

NINETY DOLLARS LATER, I walked out of Home Depot with five cans of paint, one paint brush, one drop cloth, and no stir stick. Doh.

Since then, I have been kicking myself. Because that paint? Has been sitting in my garage. I forgot that I would actually have to paint it on the crib. MYSELF. And if I wanted it to look nice, I would need to take my time.

HAH. Because I have time.

Well, I managed to get it clean, and it takes me approximately 30 minutes painting per crib piece. I painted for two hours, & I have one crib piece left, plus the changing table, which I for some reason expect to go faster. Maybe because it doesn't have all those silly knobby things. The bane of my existence.

But now I'm tired. And my back hurts. And my arms and hands (and only God knows what else) have white primer splotches all over.

BUT ITS STARTED. Which means I'll finish it, right?

Right?

.................

Oh. I found my sewing machine. The one I was convinced D threw away. (D, I know you don't read this, but in case you sneakily do, sorry for blaming you. I put it in a tote that I then assumed was filled with baby clothes rather than crafty things.) So I guess I no longer need to contemplate buying a new one.

I just need to figure out how to thread the one I already have.

The Dessert Entry.

2009-03-21T04:13:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I did mention that I entered a contest (wiithin the battalion, nothing too major) for desserts? Well, I figured I don't know how to make chili, so dessert was my only option. And what do I make best? OK, maybe not that. What do I actually know how to make that I only learned recently so I'm very excited about making it until its PERFECT?

From Lasting!

Pretty pretty cupcake pops! (As a side note, this picture and one other to follow in this post were photo-edited with my software ... in the original version of this picture, you can't really see the camo-swirls in the marine-bear cupcakes)

Anyway, I think they turned out pretty good... I did the original version first, with just cupcakes (the way bakerella, the genius she is, does it, with the m&m and sprinkles, etc) and then I decided to experiment with the green food coloring again.

The white chocolate didn't quite seize up like it did last time, but it was pretty close; it thickened a lot, and so I didn't have quite the side-drippage that I did with the white ones. That would be okay except I had to "paint" over the seams so you couldn't see the cake underneath, lol.

My favorite cake pop picture from this session (Note: this will be over-ridden once Lillie gets a hang of the pops and I can get a picture from her. And I get her to pose for the pictures by showing her the camera at the same time as the pop -- she loves going "cheese!")

From Lasting!

ITS A DEVIL MARINE BEAR ON A CUPCAKE!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

(Keep in mind, it is obscenely late right now. That is normally when I finish cooking projects: obscenely late.)

The sprinkles are meant to be spent shells from shooting lots and lotsa bullets. =P Some Marine Bears are more prolific shooters than others:

From Lasting!

In the photo above, it is clear that the platoon sergeant bear (in the front of the "formation") and the first squad leader (on the far right) are the ones that shot the most bullets. That doesn't necessarily mean that they killed the most combatants, just that they were given lots of ammunition. (Also, note that the bear cupcake on the left has a lot of camo going on ... I think that was my first marine bear cupcake, as subsequent cupcakes stirred the white and green in together a little more until I finished up, with the bear in the front).

I am going to use the arrangement in the top photo for the competition tomorrow, with three of each kind, and bring three of the remaining four into work for Kim and her two kiddies. Keep the last one for Lillie when I get home.

Why were there only ten cupcakes, you ask? Well, I rolled the rest into balls, but I didn't feel like dipping them all in chocolate at this time of night. As soon as I'm done posting this, I'm going to move the chocolate into the fridge, the remaining cake balls into the fridge, and start the dishwasher. Then I'm going to bed... to sleep for four and a half hours.

I think tomorrow will be an early bedtime. Or maybe just naptime after the battalion family fun day. Or both.

Wish me luck on my entry tomorrow!!

Public Service Announcement

2009-03-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

I mentioned previously that God Hates Procrastinators. Its true. And you'd think, after the few run-ins I've had, that I would've learned.

But no.

So today, I had a little orange light flashing NO GAS on my dashboard as I pulled into work. And suddenly, I realized: I left my wallet on the kitchen counter.

Now, for normal people, maybe, that might not be as big of a problem as it was for me. But, along with not having my debit card (because my mail key is lost and my new debit card is in the mailbox), and not having my credit card (because it was in the wallet on the counter), I also didn't have ANY I.D. to use to regain base access. No driver's license. No dependent ID. No military ID that I was supposed to return over a year ago but never did. Nothing. Not even a library card.

*Sighs*

God hates procrastinators. ALWAYS fill up your gas tank before its empty.

This has been a public service announcement.

2009 Goals - A Re-viewing : Lillie and Baby

2009-03-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

My goal was to have Lillie potty trained by April, and while we aren't 100% of the way there, we are mostly there. We have a few incidents -- like the peeing on my carpet last weekend -- and we aren't doing over night panties because, frankly, I'm just too tired to do that, but one diaper a day is SO MUCH BETTER than what we were doing before, and since I don't have to handle poop really anymore, its even better. I'm so proud of Lillie... one day it finally clicked, and she has been SO good since then. I've even taken her on short trips out of the house in panties, to the craft store in Kailua or to the commissary, and she's been dry! Such a big step for my big girl. =D

As for cloth diapering and breastfeeding the new one, since she hasn't arrived yet, we can't really comment on that too much, although I have done a few things towards those ends. I joined a breast-feeding support group on my mommies network, and I think listening to other moms and what they're going through is really going to help me get through the first weeks -- the first two weeks with Lillie were so hard, and when we finally got the hang of it I had to quit! But that'll be great.

For the cloth diapering, I've decided which cloth diapers I'm going to use, based on recommendations by my cloth-diapering friends. When I got two recommendations for the same exact diaper, I knew I had met my match. BumGenius 3.0 One Size diapers. Apparently even grandparents and daycare providers like them. So, as soon as my short-term savings hits $320 (the cost for 18 diapers plus shipping to Hawaii) I'm going to snatch 'em up. This seems like a lot of money, but I know how much I spend on diapers in a month, even now with Lillie almost potty trained, and since I can use those 18 diapers for this baby from newborn all the way through potty trained, I feel confident that this is a VERY fiscally sound purchase. Also, better for the environment in so many ways, as well as better for baby's skin. I'm very excited ot becoming a CD-ing mommy!

2009 Goals - A Re-viewing : Financial

2009-03-18T22:36:00.001-07:00

I think its safe to say that I am (mostly) on track in this realm. For example, groceries, (without Household Goods) as an expense is routinely $75 or less. Household goods propels it to the mid eighties, but I think I've made great headway.

Also looked over my debt situation, and even with my recent fall off the wagon I've made a lot of progress -- we only have $4100 remaining in debt!

I've stepped up my savings game as well: my emergency fund is well over $2000, and a couple hundred ahead of my projections, written up 1/25. I've also contributed to our IRAs, opened a second CD, invested in stocks, and started putting money away for baby (Alice Audrey Dorothy Gale whatever). Our net worth is just under $3000 (including Lil and baby's savings) and that's after subtracting our rapidly diminishing debt! Not to mention the two cars that we own.

I also wrote in this section my major purchases plan. I bought the four tires, stroller, and car seat, decided against the television, bought a PINK kitchenaid mixer, and I am also considering buying a sewing machine. I've recently discovered that mine is M.I.A., along with my two crockpots ... I think there was a whole closet D forgot to move into this new house in August... we'll see how I feel about buying that sewing machine in a month, though.

Adhering to my budget is kind of hard sometimes; it can almost be a struggle, since I am a subscriber to the retail therapy method. I do my best though!

2009 Goals - A Re-viewing : Optimism

2009-03-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

I decided its about time to look over my goals for the year, since in 2 weeks one quarter of the year will have flown by. (GEEZ! Look at time with wings!)

Firstly: being more optimistic. Well, that's a battle. I didn't finish the book I mentioned, first of all; I put it down on the couch one day and it disappeared, and the only parts of the book I had read were, basically, how are you optimistic/pessimistic, why optimism is better for your health and life in general, and when pessimism is necessary. In other words, the last section is about changing from pessimistic to optimistic. And I haven't read it yet.

Plus, interfering with optimism is another trait that I've been working really hard on developing: truthfulness. Not lying to myself. You may catch an occasional lie (or more!) to people who aren't me, but I'm working on accepting the truth of situations and especially, my own motivations. This is not always pleasant, as my pettiness at times can be overwhelming, but I know a lot of people suffer with this: at the core, we want what's best for ourselves. And if that's best for other people too? GREAT. But really, I haven't quite worked out how to reconcile optimism with self-awareness.

But to jumpstart that goal of increased optimism, I am going to try something new. I am going to try to change my expectations. Instead of expecting Ashlee (the girl at work that I always think hates me) to, you know, hate me, I am going to treat her exactly the same as I do all my other co-workers and see if that relationship improves. I know my view of her reactions is colored with the fact that she is the one who delegates work to me, and is also the one stuck with "being the bad guy" when I'm messing up on something. So maybe I won't take it personal, and I'll actually ask her about her life and how she is... and maybe that'll improve! Thats a step towards optimism, right?

Finances.

2009-03-18T00:52:00.000-07:00

This isn't a full-blown financial post, with my breakdown and everything (that's long over due, I know, so i'll just throw one up at the end of March and we can all party down), but I wanted to share one thing with you, my faithful readers -- I actually bought stock!

I'm an investor now!

I mean, I guess I technically was an investor when I opened my IRA three years ago, but I FEEL like an investor now. I can say at fancy cocktail parties (which I have never attended but everyone always brings them up like they're commonplace events), for example, "I own shares in DRI -- oh, you don't know what that is? That's Darden Restaurants, Inc. They own Olive Garden, ya know." Okay, and when I say I own shares, I mean I own like, a half a share. BUT. I'm an investor! I'm out there, investing!

I didn't choose any fancy formula to pick stocks, by the way. Sharebuilder.com has this portfolio builder program where you input your risk tolerance level (mine, for example, is much higher than my dig a hole and put money it in husband) as well as your goal for the money, a time frame, etc, and then out pops a few suggestions - the boring ones that are tied to the market as a whole or whatever. Then I added DRI, since I wanted at least one fun stock to watch. I was going to add AAPL (stock in Apple, for the uninitiated -- teehee, teehee) and, of course, TGT (TARGET !!) but I don't have enough money to invest in all of those at once, so I figure, a few months with the Olive Garden, then a few months with Apple, and close out the year with a few months with Target. Then I'll have shares in all my favorite companies. Well. Most of my favorite companies? And since I view this more as a learning experience/fun entertainment type past-time, I'm not going to really worry about money I lose. Sure, I invested in some serious stock, but it'll be interesting to see how the serious stuff does next to my fun stuff over the next year, ya know?

I think that maybe when I get another windfall of cash, I'll buy Lillie some stock in Disney (a must have for every kid, of course) and maybe when baby (Alice Audrey Dolly Parton whatever) comes out, we'll get her stock for her "birth" day. Then the only non-investor in the family will be D.

And he's happier that way. So be it.

Playing with pictures today...

2009-03-17T01:02:00.001-07:00

So, I downloaded a photo editor software thing that was free, since I realized that unless I actually use one, who knows if I would actually use one? (Confusing, right? But since the software I really want costs $400 plus, I thought maybe I should try using a free one first, make sure I actually want to use one, AND that I will use it to the extent that $400 is justifiable -- hah!) Also, there was a picture that I really wanted to crop, and my only option was cutting with scissors in paint. BOO.

So, here's my first experiment.

From Lasting!

The original, adorable, Lillie with a shamrock cake pop picture.

NOW:

From Lasting!

Also adorable, but in my opinion, slightly more so.

No, I have no idea how I made the photo look like this ... I played with a lot of random settings on Photoscape (the free editor I mentioned earlier? That I downloaded ten minutes ago?) and then eventually, it looked like this.

Sweet.

Your thoughts?

Some pictures I promised...

2009-03-17T00:11:00.001-07:00

First off --

best picture with a cake pop, ever.

From Lasting!

Second best picture with a cake pop, ever.

From Lasting!

Third best picture with a cake pop (sorry to relegate you all the way down here, Steph, but I do appreciate you modeling the cupcake pop for me ... I just love the way my Lillie face looks =D)

From Lasting!

Oh, and to all you readers, ie the four of you that occaisonally read my blog, please assure Stephanie that she doesn't look fat from eating cupcake pops, that she really does look pregnant, because when I told her I was posting this picture in my blog, she freaked a little. =P

Also, the shoes. THE PINK SPARKLEY AWESOME SHOES! I even went so far as to make a backdrop so that they would be properly displayed (I know, I have issues).

From Lasting!

Also, the onesie that I bought that was so adorable I couldn't wait for the baby to wear it to show it off to you.

From Lasting!

And finally, a picture of me! With Lillie! Its a new one! OMG! LIKE FOR REALZIES? YEAH. (yes, I know, I know ... issues. I worked from 7:45am until 8pm with only a fifteen minute break for lunch. Try and give me some slack here.)

From Lasting!

So there you are. Me, Lillie, cake pops, shoes, onesies, and Stephanie too. All in one happy post. Enjoy =D

On the subject of pride...

2009-03-16T03:05:00.000-07:00

A few quick thoughts before I actually sleep, lol.

First off, Lillie is really close to being fully daytime potty trained. I say really close, because after bragging this morning that she WAS fully daytime potty trained, we had an accident. In my bedroom. On my rug. And I think she actually took off her panties to pee there, too. (Growls menacingly)

So she wore diapers the rest of the day. I wasn't up to dealing with it after an accident like that. So maybe that's throwing in the towel, maybe that's teaching her bad habits, maybe that's even begging her to regress, but seriously? Preggers over here has enough stuff to worry about without adding that on. And I hate yelling at Lillie, but I get upset over silly things like peeing on my bedroom carpet, ya know? So, diapers from 1pm on... oh well.

Secondly, I've been proud this whole time of sticking to my budget, not using our credit card at ALL, and generally being fiscally responsible for the last three months.

I fell off the wagon today.

That was kinda sucky. I mean, I didn't really splurge on unnecessary items... I went to a thrift store and bought the few remaining newborn clothes I absolutely HAD TO HAVE before the baby is born, I bought another maternity shirt and a pair of maternity work pants, another three pieces of clothing for Lillie, which her majesty helped me pick out, ... and a pair of really cute pink sparkley heels. I WILL POST PICTURES, I PROMISE. The heels are so so so so so cute. And pink. With sparkles. I have no idea when I will wear them. However, they only cost me $7.99. So it wasn't a total splurge? The total splurge was the amount of money I spent on newborn clothes. I comforted myself with the thought that they cost me at most 5/piece of clothing, with most of them being 1.99 or less.... but that does add up, sadly enough. REALLY CUTE CLOTHES THOUGH. You'll see pictures of baby (Alice, Audrey, Cordelia, Marcia Brady, whatever) wearing them, I'm sure, since they were all the height of awesomeness and I'll want to record that.

Steph did a much better job than I did at not spending all her money. Boo. I wanted company in falling off the wagon.

I knew it was coming though. Its not a "retail therapy" moment, since I'm not really extra bummed about anything, its just that this last week I've been thinking about all the things I still want to buy. Focusing on the have-not's instead of what I have. I've been trying to change that, but it didn't exactly work. I need to come up with a better way of focusing on what is important to me... or decide if what I think is important to me really is, I guess.

Thirdly, because my baking skills are so developed and awesome, I decided to join the monthly Iron Cupcake: Earth competition. In it, you are given one ingredient you absolutely have to incorporate into a cupcake, and then you bake it and take pictures and people vote and someone wins lotsa cool stuff.

I'm never going to win, I already know that, but I thought it would be interesting to bake a different kind of cupcake monthly. Since I like eating and all. Only, I don't have any cupcake pans. I know, I was shocked too. No muffin tins. Not even mini-sized ones. Weird, right?

But anyways, its hard to be proud.

Bakerella's Cupcake Pops.

2009-03-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

From Lasting!

Well, I guess I'd be lying if I said I didn't think these would be a snap. Well, not a snap, but infinitely easier than they turned out to be? Oh yeah.

Part of the problem could be that I had the wrong white chocolate coating.

Part of the problem could be that I tried to put too much food coloring in.

Part of the problem could even be that I forgot about the whole "making sure the cake balls are cold" thing and turned off the air conditioning while I was making bread, bringing the kitchen up to (apparently for the cake balls) an unbearable heat.

From Lasting!

Of course, I am sure it was all of the above, but I still have a few really adorable ones, and a couple of 'creative moments' ones.

From Lasting!

And I had to sad ones that fell off their sticks as I was dipping their tops. (Taps plays sadly in the background).

All in all, not something you want to tackle at 9 pm on Sunday night. If I had stayed home and baked all day, as I had previously thought I would do, I would probably be going to bed at a decent hour. As it is, it'll be a midnight night for me.

BUT THEY ARE SO DELICIOUS IT WAS WORTH IT!

Even if the cuteness factor isn't exactly "all there" for this batch. Next batch will work out better.

From Lasting!

Right?

(By the way, I'm going to try to remember to take a few nicer pictures of the cake bites tomorrow morning before bringing them into work... the candy coating wasn't dry yet, and I really wanted to go to bed AND get this post up...)

In case you were wondering, I did make my breads this evening as well, one banana bread, two white breads, and four rolls. All in all, quite a busy evening considering that I got back into the house at 8ish after going shopping with Steph. (Although, I really should re-consider doing that next time in the middle of my bread rising ... I thought I could put it in the fridge and stunt it for a few hours, then just bring it back to room temperature, rise again and cook ... apparently it doesn't quite work that easily. We'll see how the bread tastes tomorrow, I guess?)

Bed time now. Hope you enjoy the photos!

Banana bread, a quick re-visit

2009-03-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

So, I made the banana bread (altered for the allergy conscious) again tonight, and here's a funny thing -- at some point I had moved the oven rack into a lower position. Now its taking the fully expected time to cook. ...hrm, I wish I had thought of that.

Recent Adventures In Baking

2009-03-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally think I have my favorite bread recipe down. Took me a while, what with my recent batch of laziness, but it seems to rise appropriately now, and is tasty. Because my oven is all kindsa crazy, I actually cook it at a lower temperature for a little less time than called for, but its all about what works for you, right?

Today, as most Sunday's are, is a baking day(slash cleaning day, but I won't bore you with the sad details of that). I've decided to make the wonderful banana bread that my mom made me... well, I'll probably make it the altered way, since I plan on bringing it to work and I like to occaisonally cater to the one that can't eat eggs or chocolate, especially since the other thing I'm baking today?

Bakerella's Cake Balls. And there's just no way I can substitute EVERYTHING I would need to substitute to make it edible for my poor co-worker, what with the best part of it being that it's chocolate! I also plan on making a few into cupcake pops / bites... depends on how industrious I'm feeling when it comes time to dip / shape them. I've already made the cake, mixed in the frosting, and rolled it into balls, so they're currently chilling in the fridge, waiting for my bread to be in the rising stage. That's when I plan on doing the rest of the cake balls.

Hopefully my laziness won't pan out and I'll take a few pictures and post them up here ... especially pictures of my counter covered in EVERYTHING YUMMILICIOUS.

I also want to make some homemade egg noodles for the week. We'll see how that plays out. Sometimes I put it off just because I have to use a rolling pin. Does that make me a bad person?

That's all. =D

Potty training.

2009-02-25T00:09:00.000-08:00

So, Lillie has been getting potty trained at daycare for the past two days in addition to our at home work, and she did really well there today, Selma said she kept her diaper dry when they were out of the house, and peed on the potty twice, keeping her panties dry, when they were home.

When she got home it wasn't quite as wonderful. Apparently I should've asked her as soon as we walked in if she needed to use the potty, since she started dripping a few minutes after arrival, but we ran her to the bathroom and got most of it in the toilet. I had her run around without diaper or panties on, seems easier for us sometimes unless she needs the panties as the incentive, and all of a sudden she looked at me and said, :POTTY MOMMY:, so I told her to go, and she ran into the bathroom, sat on her potty, and POOPED.

LOL. I'm one of those parents excited about my kid pooping. But this is a HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE deal, since she was holding it in to the point of pain before, until I'd put her back in a diaper 48 + hours later. So of course, lots of hugs and kisses and candy, and her favorite part seemed to be dumping the poop in the toilet (whatever, kid, lol). But yeah! That was super awesome. I was so psyched.

So we'll see how the rest of the week goes, but that's enough for me to feel optimistic. Yay!

Financial Re-Cap, 2/1/09 - 2/15/09

2009-02-15T21:44:00.000-08:00

There was an issue when I came to this re-cap... I didn't include the groceries for the week of Feb 1-7 in the last re-cap, but I came across the same problem this time through, so I think what I'm going to do is just include all three weeks in this edition, and keep in mind that it'll be divided by three weeks instead of two. Without further ado, here it is.

Groceries .............................................................. 213.27

Household Goods ................................................ 28.92

Gas ........................................................................ 22.00

Eating out (includes Starbucks) ......................... 50.30

Impulse groceries (now out of my budget) ........ 13.49

Entertainment ........................................................ 54.70

Clothes ................................................................... 17.99

Cookware/Bakeware (now Durable Goods) ....... 289.99

In case you were curious, some of my outrageously high expenses were anticipated, kinda. We got our tax return, and D agreed that I could spend some of the money... the financial stuff is mostly under my control, but I ask D about stuff anyways, and particularly on my durable goods expense, because I finally (drum roll please) bought my PINK KITCHENAID MIXER!!!

Unfortunately, not all the expenses were over because of the tax return money... I had an experiment this week, where I just tried keeping all of the spending money in my bank account and using the debit card... but because I usually keep a small cushion in there, I way over spent... by at least 30 dollars I think. Bummer. So I'm back to the cash only option, although it won't make much of a difference until all our spending money is gone from the tax return, since I have still 60ish dollars I can spend, and another 30 I can spend on Lillie, and 140 on Alice, and 100 for Dustin, lol. It was a large tax return, and I put over 80% in savings, what can I say.

Anyways, we're getting closer to our financial goals ... we're now at 5400 in debt, which is a big yay! And we have a decent start on savings. So I'm feeling pretty good about this whole money business.

On a non-related side note, I think D will be gone for the whole year, so we're waiting to see if his extension ppwk actually goes through, and we might have another decently large windfall of cash, which can be used for important things like savings/debt/a new computer! Yayness!

Over and out.

Groceries, shopping on 2/13/09

2009-02-15T21:17:00.000-08:00

So, why do I keep up with the grocery posts? Because I like to look back on what I've been doing. Even though its super boring, it gives me a hint of my progress. Also, eventually I'm sure this awesome little notebook that I write everything down in (given to me by Steph in my Christmas stocking), it'll eventually run out.

So, I decided, almost against my better judgment, to go grocery shopping on Friday night after work. I figured, it being a payday, and Friday night before a holiday weekend, and evening time, that it would be packed, but I don't know, I guess I'm a glutton for punishment, so I headed out there anyways.

It was a quite pleasant experience, and I've come to the decision that I will make all my grocery trips on Friday nights now. It means that I need to either move pizza night, or start pizza at lunch, or do something different, but I made a few pizzas on Saturday night, so they'll probably tide me over for a bit, until I figure out exactly how I'll change it up.

I did have a few "impulse" type buys, and I changed out a few things (depending on availability, doncha know), but I stayed mostly on target, I think.

Here we are:

red pepper; my guess was 1.25 for one, the actual cost was 1.59... I was .34 under.

sugar -- this one wasn't fair, I guessed for a 5# and bought 10# -- so basically, it cost 6.15.

instant white rice; my guess was 3.00, it actually cost 4.35... I was 1.35 under.

pot roast; my guess/upper limit was 10.00, and it only cost 6.53... it ended up 3.47 less.

sour cream; my guess was 2.00, it cost 1.39 ... .61 less.

flintstone's vitamins-- I ended up with scooby doo, but they cost the same as I guessed, 3.99.

Subsititutions? I was planning on buying strawberries again this week, but there weren't any tasty looking ones, so I bought two of those expensive imported Amori apples, and a carton of blueberries... forgetting that blueberries don't get along well with Alice. So Lil will probably get to eat them all.

Oh, and unfortunately, they still don't have my organic whole milk... I'm beginning to think they aren't carrying it anymore, although they still carry the 2% and skim versions. Which sucks, for a multitude of reasons that are too boring to explain here, but basically it means that my coffees are going to suck until I figure out what I want to do for milk.

Overall, I guessed 83.00, and it cost me 85.39 after tip. So, that's pretty damn good. Yay for me. LOL.

Groceries out.

Adventures in banana bread

2009-02-15T02:40:00.000-08:00

My mother kindly sent me my great-grandmother's recipe for banana bread upon my search for the perfect banana bread recipe to make for work in honor of Valentine's Day. They loved it, but I had to do a lot of tweaking due to ingredients available and allergies of fellow co-workers, plus my oven is a little weird. Here's the original recipe, and my tweaks, plus reasoning and anecdotes.

Lil's Banana Bread

1 cup sugar (white)
1/2 cup butter or margarine, soft
3 ripe (rotten?) bananas, mashed
2 eggs
dash salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 3/4 cup flour
1 cup chopped walnuts

mix sugar, butter, bananas, and eggs well.
add in dry ingredients. mix well.
pour in greased loaf pan. one large large or two small.
bake 55 - 60 minutes at 350 degrees

All right, so the reason I decided banana bread was the perfect Valentine's Day treat? I needed a recipe I could sub out the eggs, no harm, no fowl. (lmao, I'm so funny, right?) One of my co-workers is allergic to eggs and chocolate... which must lead to an absolutely horrible existence, because most tasty things have eggs, chocolate, or both. I started searching online for egg substitutions, without actually using the crappy 'egg substitute' that comes in those silly cardboard cartons, since I have no idea what's in that crap, and one website suggested using half a banana plus 1/2 tsp baking powder/soda per egg being substituted. Well, I wouldn't make that swap in cookies, for goodness sake, because they would be banana flavored cookies. But banana bread, you'd never notice! Since it's supposed to taste all banana-y.

Then, when I got started, I realized that I didn't have a full cup of white sugar. I had a little less than 2/3 cup white sugar. But I did happen to have brown sugar... so I added some brown sugar. And then I added a little cinnamon.

We had four bananas in the freezer, so I decided to thaw them out... only I forgot to thaw them out the night before, so I threw them in the microwave at half-power for five minutes.

Whoops.

They liquified a little bit, and ended up looking like four droopy brown penises on a plate. It was gross. But funny.

After mixing it all together, I threw it in the oven as instructed, but since I've burned more things in that oven than you can possibly imagine, I kept a really close eye on it. I don't know if its due to the changes I made, or the oven itself, but I only cooked it for 44ish minutes, and it had those brown edges that don't taste good on a few corners.

Other than those brown edges, though, it was FABULOUS. Everyone at work loved it. And I ate three pieces -- hey, I like banana bread, and I never eat it because I never have 3 bananas that reach the rotting stage.

So, the modified, egg-less, wierdo version of the recipe is:

1/2 C + 3tbsp white sugar

1/4 C brown sugar, packed

1/2 C soft butter

4 ripe/rotting/liquifying bananas

dash of salt

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1 3/4 C flour

And oh yeah, I hate nuts, so there were no walnuts in mine either.

Potty training.

2009-02-14T19:03:00.001-08:00

LOL, apparently its been a while since I updated you guys on potty training ... I left off on a mostly positive note, but that night we had two accidents... she just didn't trust me to get to her in time, I guess... and she still wouldn't poo.

The next morning, Sunday, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It was a bad mood that persisted for quite a while, at least the whole day, so around 10 or 11, I decided my bad mood was going to erase all of the good progress we had made, and I put Lillie back in a diaper. But it still wasn't that bad, she told me right after pee-ing and all since she was uncomfortable in a wet diaper, so I am willing to call that change in the right direction, and we'll go back to potty training again another weekend.

This week, she was with her old daycare provider, Angela, while our current provider was at her husband's change of responsibility ceremony, and she did REALLY REALLY well with the whole potty thing. There were at least three days she kept her diaper completely dry while using the potty at daycare. That's so fabulous.

We're in the middle of a setback though ... because she was peeing in the potty, Angela got a good look at it and was worried that Lil had a Urinary Tract Infection, being that it was all cloudy and bright yellow ... she started pushing water on Wednesday, but by Friday morning it still wasn't better, and Lil had taken to clutching herself and saying that "It hurt", so I took her in to the doctors. While they weren't 100% positive that she had one (even after the catheter -- poor thing was very brave but I know it hurt) but she had a lot of indications, so they put her on antibiotics and sent her urine out to be cultured.

So, that's where we are right now on the whole potty training thing. I am reluctant to do the APATT training when she hurts while peeing, so we're just taking it easy this weekend.

OMG, I just realized its only Saturday... it feels like Sunday.

Anyways, there's your update.

Groceries to follow.

Potty training. an Update.

2009-02-08T00:53:00.000-08:00

So I figured I'd give you all an update on our first FULL DAY of APATT (all panties, all the time).

First of all, it wasn't always all panties. For at least three hours, I made her run around bottom naked.

Is that considered abuse? I was just tired of the little catches in the panties before she realized she was pee-ing, and then her being mad that I wouldn't let her put the same panties back on.

It wasn't a bad day, all in all. There were absolutely no total misses. None. There were 2 partial successes last night -- one in the middle of the night, relayed in the previous entry entitled "Potty training. At 2am" (after re-reading the post, I decided to let the spelling/grammar/acronymical errors stand. After all, the whole point is that I wrote it at 2AM!!! And they were comical.) Then we had a partial success this morning upon waking up, another around lunch time, one after naptime, and then A COMPLETE CATCH after dinner. This was around the time when she was running around bottom naked. Apparently without the panties she didn't feel it was safe to just let a little out to feel better.

The best part of the day, though, was when she stopped hating the potty so much. She would actually sit down on it without my urging. She may not have had to pee, but I wasn't carrying her and placing her on it either. There were a few hours that she hated the potty chair. Those hours didn't bother me, I expected them to happen, and I pretty much just rolled with the punches and whatnot. What bothered me was her flat-out refusal to take a nap. She was tired! Tired enough that she wanted the lights off while she was downstairs. Tired enough that she put a tissue over her face and started walking towards the couch, only to walk INTO THE COUCH and start crying. But she wouldn't lay down anymore.

That frustrated me like crazy. But the worst part of the day? Pizza making time. She decided to put her hands in the bowl we were making pizza in. Normally, that's expected, since we knead the dough by hand. BUT IT WAS ONLY LIQUIDS IN THERE SO FAR. So she stuck her hands in a bowl of warm water and olive oil. Then splashed it around. Then when I finally got the flour and other more solid ingredients in, she started eating the dough. Not mixing it. Eating it. She was banned from pizza prep. I mean, yes, pizza dough is quite tasty. Especially the pizza dough I make. But before kneading it?

In case you were wondering, all the partial successes were mostly successes. They weren't, like, most of the pee on the floor and a trickle in the toilet. They were flood the toilet, dribble in the panties. At least one of the partials I would call a success because it was so little dribble, except that Lillie was crawling under the table to escape from me as I asked her if she needed to use the potty.

Crawled. Under the table. To pee.

She's not allowed under the table anymore. Mainly because she hasn't pooped since daycare yesterday, and I know she likes to poop under the table. And I really, really, REALLY don't want to clean up poop in panties. And I know she has to go, because she was laying down on the couch, showing me her butt, and asking for a diaper. Like, c'mon mom, you're making me pee on the potty, but at least let me use the diaper to take a dump!

I told her that diapers were gone forever. They didn't exist anymore. And she could either wear panties -- when that was an option -- or go butt-naked.

I got some really cute pictures, of her holding a purse, dressed up in this snazzy, sparkley, pink-sequined top and little girl high heels, and nothing in between. It was hilarious. However, due to the whole child porn issue, I don't really want to post those pictures on public internet space. However, I will text/email the picture if you want to see an adorable Lillie. And you can't really see anything ... anatomical. Just suggestions of anatomy.

Tomorrrow, day 2. Tonight? Hopefully she'll let me sleep for longer than two hours at a time. However, I do anticipate waking up to "POOP MOMMY!!!"

By the way, I did put her in panties to go back to bed tonight. They'll at least hold the poop in and mostly off the blankets if she does for some reason decide to let it go.

APATT. That is all.

Groceries -- First Week of February

2009-02-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

Well, we went grocery shopping on Friday after I picked Lillie up from daycare, since we moved potty training weekend to this weekend (APATT!!!) and while I was extremely worried about the lines and all since CT always complained about how crowded the commissary was around dinner time, it was actually pretty good. Much better than say, Sunday afternoon. Sunday mornings are good as far as lines/people traffic go, but the cool part about going shopping on Friday evening was they were stocking the shelves for the weekend, so there were really, really fresh stuff up.

For example, strawberries.

Strawberries that I could smell when I stepped into the commissary.

Mmmm.

Need I say more? Of course I bought the strawberries. They imprinted themselves upon my heart, and I had no choice.

So, I had a few "impulse'y" buys, mostly surrounding the strawberries. I bought mascarpone cheese and whipping cream because from what I remember, they are absolutely fabulous mixed together in some way with sugar and strawberries. I just need to find that darned recipe.

Anyways, here's my grocery guesses and the Idaafa's. (For you non-arabic speakers, who are at least half of my audience or more, idaafa means "additions")

head of Garlic -- I guessed 1.50. It was .14. That was a little off.

Box o' shaped pasta. Guessed .99. It was .96.

Lemon juice. Guessed 1.50. It was .82.

Tortilla chips. Guessed 2.50, but it was 2.92.

Also, I bought a larger bag of kitty food than anticipated, and the price was higher. Boo. I was distracted because three ladies were BLOCKING THE AISLE WITH THEIR CARTS DISCUSSING LITTLE LEAGUE.

Sorry, I was annoyed about that.

Olive oil went down in price, I bought the same brand, same size, but I remembered to get the extra light as opposed to the extra virgin (the flavor difference is intense and I prefer the non-flavored kind) and it was 50 cents cheaper. Sweetness.

The idaafa's?

Strawberries. 3.21 for a pound. And they were fresh and good smelling and I've already eaten a few.

Whipping cream. 4.19. HOLY CRAP. I don't think I realized it was this much when I picked it up. I bettter find that crazy recipe or another equally terrific one.

Mascarpone cheese. 4.99. Mascarpone cheese is a lighter, smoother, a little sweeter than - cream cheese. But that one I did know the price before I stuck it in my cart. I just swallowed hard, closed my eyes and threw it in.

Hot dogs. 2.10. They had nothing to do with the strawberries and everything to do with the fact that I was moving pizza to Saturday night due to Lillie's incredible sleepiness/crankiness, and needed something to go with macaroni and cheese for dinner.

Lemon. .37. I wanted to try and see if a fresh lemon made any difference in my lemon-pepper chicken.

On another, related-ish note, the grocery store was completely out of my whole milk. Still. So I didn't buy any milk yet again. Maybe I'll hit up the Marine Mart on Monday night. Until then, I have to make due with 2% organic milk. It really does make a difference in my coffee. I swear. I haven't made my coffee in three days because it REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

I also went grocery shopping on Tuesday, albeit with a truncuated list because I was staying home with Lillie and we needed some more food to get us through the long long long long long long days together. They were longer due to her being sick. I managed to stay inside my grocery budget for last week, but it was a close call.

Anyways, since I only had 27 items, I totally went the self-checkout route so I could bag my stuff myself and save the 2 dollars that I tip every week. I'm so stingy.

My total for groceries? 48.22. My prediction was $52, but it included $10 worth of milk that I didn't buy. I also spent 10.45 on HH goods, like rolaids, kitty food, and toothpaste.

That is all. End transmission.

Potty training. at 2am.

2009-02-07T04:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, keep in mind that I'm exha sted so in the morning I'll do a complete editing of this post, but I had to share the news since baby2 (I think her name will be Alice, by the way, but that's another story) decded that since momm'ys awake its time to eat. NOW.

So I decided that since last weekend wasn't going to work -- for a multiitude of reasons, but ended up mainly being because shw was sick -- Lillie and I were goign to do our potty training this weekend, starting with Friday night, ALL PANTIES, ALL THE TIME.

I admit, I almost chickened out at 6pm, because when we got back from the ocmmissary, (yes, grocery post tomorrow too) Lillie was miserable. She hadn't slept enough during naptime, she's still not feeling 100% and so she was was all mopey and whiney and cry-y.

But I still asked her if she wanted to wear panties or a diaper, figuring if she wanted a diaper, she'd keep it for the night and we'd start APATL on Saturday morning, but nah, she likes panties, so I grabbed a pair and put them on, then moved her potty chair into the living room and told her to use it. I took her over and sat her down, and she sat but got up, then sat again in a bit and got up, etc. Her normal potty-time behavioir, except minus the pee-ing as soon as she got off the toilet bit.

As we were eating dinner I took out the big-guns: special project CARS PANTIES. (Thanks to Mom for providing the incentive for SPCP). I showed her the Cars panties *actually Cars briefs, since they don't make underwear for girls with Cars on them, the morons at Dsiney SIGH*, then told her she couldn't wear them until she used the potty right.

Well, she's all whiney about that, and then all of a sudden she cries really loud and I hear a dribble dribble. So I pick her up and run her over to the potty chair, where she proceeds to ... (drum roll please) GO POTTY!!!! She actually did it! In the potty chair!!! With lots of pee! And I wasn't being delusional, Steph was there and saw that despite the few drips on the floor, she actually got some in the potty. ALOT in the potty.

So of course she got to wear her Cars panties. And got lots of kisses and hugs.

And Reese's pieces. I'm not a monster.

Well, being the chicken I am, I offered her a diaper before I put her down for bed, but she was so proud and happy of her Car panties that I just did my best to potty-proof her bed and put her down.

Well, Lillie usually wakes up with a dry diaper, but I was concerned that she would wake up and not let me know fast enough and we'd end up with a huge wet spot on the carpet. Turns out, that's not the case.

I crawled into bed after Steph left the house at 11:30 ish last night, and set my alarm for the normal time in the morning, since Lillie has been sleeping until then, and passed out.

A few steps that are crucual were acheived prior to passing out though. I cleaned out the potty chair, moved it to the upstairs hallway, and let the cats sleep in the garage. Because they were in the garage, I was able to sleep with my doorr open.

And what do my sleep-crusted ears hear at 2am this morning? A lovely screech. I rolled out of bed, half asleep, still mostly in my dream and I think I thought Lillie was in the path of a truck or something, maybe being bitten by giant radioactive bugs, and I actually made it halfway down the hallway without thought. Once I opened her door I processed the situation -- wet spot on t-shirt, slightly damp thighs -- and immediately picked her up and plopped her on the potty. WHERE SHE WENT POTTY AGAIN!!! That's right, when she woke up at 2am she thought Oh, it would feel good to pee right now, and then when she let a little out she thought, OH CRAP, MY CARS PANTIES!! and called out to me. And since I Was all on top of things with the potty chair and the open door and no cats, we were successful. YAY TEAM.

So I went and checked her bed, thinking, crap, what is she going to use as blankets now? And then blinkked... she had kicked all the blankets off her bed -- including the soaker that I Set up for her before sleeptime -- and then peed a tiny bit. So I took a wipe and cleaned it all up. Placed the blankets back on the bed. Put her back in the bed. Cuddled her a few minutes. Then she said to me: GOOD BYE, MOMMY. LOL. My daughter was ready for sleep and I was interfering, I guess.

So I cleaned the potty chair out and went to get back in bed ... but Alice was not okay with that plan. Hence me sitting on the couch blogging with a yogurt cup in hand at 2:30am.

Sometimes, life isn't fair. But even then, its still SO FRICKIN' AWESOME.

YAY LILLIE!!

(Will post picture of Lillie with Car panties here sometime tomorrow).

Its Hard To Be Optimistic About the Outcome

2009-02-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

when there's a mack truck heading your way.

So, Lillie was really sick yesterd ay. We had a visit to the ER, my favorite place EVER, and they gave her some wonder drug that's helping her keep food and drink down. She still has no appetite, really, but if I can get anything into her without it coming back up, that's an improvement over yesterday, where EVERYTHING made a re-appearance.

Anyways, she's still looking really sick, and I ended up giving her more of the anti-nausea at dinner cause she started crying when the first bite hit her stomach. So I don't think she can go to daycare tomorrow. Steph's still sick, so I'm not going to ask her to watch Lillie. So I need to stay home and watch Lillie all by myself.

If she has rotavirus, which IS GOING AROUND, she'll start diarrhea tomorrow and that'll continue for about a week, which is a full week that she can't be in daycare.

That means a full week that I can't be in work.

That basically means, I call the temp agency at the first sign of diarrhea and tell them to assign someone else to Terry's office, since a week is too long to ask them to go without a receptionist.

What a friggin bummer.

Not that I NEED the money. I mean, half of it was paying for daycare, none of it was paying for any bills, it was just going towards savings and spending money. So I cut down on my spending (not that its drastically high, lmao) and don't put that amount into savings. And then our grocery bill goes up a bit, since we'll both be eating breakfast and lunch at home, and I lose my mind, little by little.

IDK... I am trying to flip this around and be excited about all the time I might get to spend with Lillie before I have the baby. But all I can see right now is that I really, really, really like this job. Enough that I cancelled a trip to ITALY for it.

But I guess that's the way sometimes life goes.

Of course, by tomorrow, this could all be complaining about nothing.

Hah.

Financial Re-Cap January 15-31; Also Month of January

2009-02-01T15:58:00.000-08:00

So, at some point during this cycle, I came to the conclusion that a few things needed to change: Impulse Groceries have to come out of my spending money (sadness, I know, but probably accurate), Household Goods need their own budget (and that will reduce the amount of groceries money available), and next month, clothing will have its own budget instead of coming out of my spending money. Actually, the month after next. March. But anyways, here's the 15th through the 31st Re-cap.

Groceries ............................................................ 145.83 (150.00)

Household Goods .............................................. 46.33 (50.00)

Gas ....................................................................... 40.00 (50.00)

Car ...................................................................... 369.69

Budget Me ......................................................... 123 (80.00)!!

-- Impulse Groceries ................................... 23.03

-- Entertainment ......................................... 16.29

-- Clothing and Grooming .......................... 32.02

-- Eating Out ................................................ 31.08

-- Durable Household Goods ...................... 20.28

So, I hit everything but my personal budget. Now, honestly, I have NO IDEA how I managed to spend $50 (*edit, 43) more than what I had in my wallet. I did not even once pull out my debit card or credit card. For impulse groceries, like sodas from a vending machine or chips, I spent change mostly. And the largest impulse purchase was made with my grocery money before I decided it wasn't supposed to be impulse purchase. So I can pretty much remove that, and still have a lot $30 (*edit, 22) that I spent over my own budget. Where did it come from? Why is there still money in my wallet? Why is there still money on my debit card? Does my money have babies in my wallet when I'm not looking? We may never know ...

Actually, it just occurred to me that 8.00 of eating out expenses belongs in next months accounting. (Edits so you don't even see the money). Still, the rest of it is a legitimate concern.

Now for the monthly accounting. This is going to be a little more complicated this month, with the result of a VERY lopsided amount spent on my budget since I'm moving around Household Goods and Impulse Groceries half-way through the month... next month I'll just be able to add the two re-caps together. =D

Month Of January 2009

Groceries ................................................................. $294.06 (300)

Household Goods .................................................... $111.81 (100)

Gas ....................................................................... $70.01 (100)

Car ........................................................................ $369.69

Budget Me .............................................................. $215.73 (180)

-- Eating Out ...................................................... $61.66

-- Entertainment ............................................... $27.80

-- Clothes & Grooming ...................................... $44.58

-- Durable Household Goods ............................ $20.28

-- Gifts (and shipping) ..................................... $21.81

-- Impulse Groceries ....................................... $39.60

The car expenses were budgeted, sort of, as I put money in short-term savings from my total spending money in order to afford both the tires and the safety inspection. But they were budgeted to be what they cost. LOL. So they were right on. (YAY!) Household goods was a little over this month, but one of the things I bought 15-31 in the household goods category probably didn't belong there but in the Durable Household Goods category, which, sadly, would inflate my spending even more. So I put it in Household goods and let that one be over. (Blushes wildly) Next month, since I'll have money specifically set aside for HH goods (and since I'm not at Wal-Mart this weekend) that number should be right on.

Groceries were under a little. That made me happy. Gas was way under, and I'm starting a small "short term car savings" that left-over gas money will go into. That will be for things like oil changes, air filters, etc.

One thing I noticed is that in spite of the fact that I try to make my own coffee every morning, I still managed to spend $13 at starbucks this month. That's only three visits. Wow. That is precisely why I make my own coffee. Because even if you take all the ingredients I go through in one month, it adds up to approximately $38. And then dividing that by 31 days? Its $1.22 per coffee. And that's assuming that I buy the really expensive espresso can, instead of the $4 per can version. So. Yay for making my own coffee. Boo for still going to Starbucks when its sucking the life out of me. But then again, those days that I went to Starbucks, not only did I not have coffee made those mornings, but I was also having a really, really, REALLY bad day. So. Coffee was absolutely a requirement to make it through those days.

Anyways, I'm sure this is boring for all of you guys, but I'm really looking forward to being able to review where I've come from when I reach the end of this year.

By the way, my groceries? Once I removed HH goods and impulse buys? Fell right into the goal of (drumroll please) an average of 75 or less per week! (Trumpets blare!) Yay!

By the way, as for my gas predictions? Well, I drove the Mustang all month long, until Thursday, and I still was way under. As a matter of fact, I only spent $10 more on gas than the first period. So maybe I was better at conserving gas. It certainly felt like I was going through it faster.

I'm not going to buy books at wal-mart anymore. I'm firmly decided that I will only buy books at the library book sale, since I can get 20 books for the same price as one small paperback at wal-mart.

That is all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Arabic

2009-01-30T00:15:00.000-08:00

Yay! So, I'm incessantly conversing with myself in my head, whether its just reviewing my budget over and over (and over and over and over, as my poor mother will attest, as she recieves a text message everytime a new idea pops into my head!), or reliving books (my favorite book to re-'visualize' in my head is "My Sweet Audrina"... such a mind - screw type of book, but SOOO good that I can't help but relive it in my head...), and of course, conduct OPI - type interviews with myself -- in Arabic.

Of course, the fact that I never had an OPI occaisonally interferes with what I think should be a typical question, and then there's the fact that I never had OPI practice beyond the introductory chatter, but that's all un-important nonsense.

Anyways, due to my constant brain chatter in Arabic, I at one point this week decided to write down all the numbers - so that I could record phone numbers at work and no one else could read them! (Not my most brilliant idea, but I was bored...). As I was writing them down, I was also saying them out loud ... I got to nine and paused.

Then I freaked out.

I literally had NO IDEA how to say nine in Arabic. I could count from one to one thousand, except that I couldn't do any number with a nine in any digit-place. I could say nine in three languages other than English -- German, French, and Spanish -- but I couldn't say it in Arabic, which I studied for two freakin years.

So, after whining to my mother about it (sorry again, mom), I reviewed my list of contacts in my phone. Who did I know that would ALSO know the number nine in Arabic?

(That list is very small, by the way)

I came across Nikki, who I had been planning to text for days ANYWAYS to bug about her lack of blog updates on myspace. So I figured, kill two birds with one stone.

SHE KNEW IT! I was happy.

Then I convinced her that we could be happy geeky nerds together and practice speaking in Arabic once a week for five ish minutes (I figure that's the longest conversation realistically that I could have in Arabic at this point). We'll start super easy, right? With family and job and description, etc. Then maybe in three decades we'll start discussing current events and politics. It might take me that long to re-build my vocabulary.

However, it encourages me to dig out a few materials that I still have from my awesome arabic days, and study a little again. Its amazing what a little brain-prodding will do. And of course, I can still read in Arabic. So the studying part is super easy with flash cards. And flash cards are portable, so I can bring them to work and study during my down time!

Kim says that makes me weird. But what else am I going to do? Paint my nails at the receptionist desk?

So.

In case any of you (who aren't Nikki) would like to visit the language of Arabic with me, I'm going to see if I remember how to post in Arabic on a blog. I used to know. But that was two years ago. Now I know how to use Quickbooks and Ultratax, and facebook. Not Arabic. So we'll see. But if I can post it in a blog, I will first put up a quick explanation of the alphabet (keep in mind, in school the alphabet pronunciation unit thing was like, 8 weeks long of intensive, 6 hour a day study...) and maybe at some point some basic vocabulary. Or a fun word of the day. I'm a fun person like that, right?

Riiiiiigghhhht.

Later.

Groceries. Again.

2009-01-28T20:54:00.000-08:00

It feels like I'm always buying groceries... probably because I do so once a week. Well, guess what?

NOT NEXT WEEK!!

That's right, in deference to the Grocery Shopping Day (also known as Superbowl Sunday), I WILL NOT be buying groceries next weekend. Instead, I doubled up and bought two weeks worth this weekend.

I try not to do that, mainly because I like to have fresh fruit and vegetables, not pruney, moldy, gross, slimy and rotten fruits and vegetables, but I think I chose well enough -- and planned dinners appropriately enough that all the ones that'll go bad early will be gone. =D Hopefully.

Anyway, without further ado: product, my guess, actual price, difference +(-)

Granny Smith Apples (3.5#) $3.50 $3.25 (.25)

10 # All purpose flour $5.00 $4.66 (.34)

Jar of Rapid-rise yeast $4.00 $4.50 .50

detergent - non toxic =D $5.00 $6.49 1.49

Cereal (apple jacks) $2.50 $1.63 (.87)

Crackers $2.00 $1.89 (.11)

Cube steak (1#) $2.00 $2.70 .70

Kitty food (3.5#) $4.89 $3.97 (.92)

Overall guess was 92.00 ... it ended up being 107.32. However, I didn't factor in a few things that I decided we needed to last two weeks on one pay check --- like tissues, eggs, milk. So not too bad. I divided up the two weeks (so that I can add up my monthly budget come the 1st and it will make sense...) and for this weeks worth of groceries, I spent 66.73 + household goods of 14.97. And next weeks, therefore, was 27.63. (Note: if those don't add up to 107.32, it's because I divided the two dollar tip for the bagger between the two weeks!)

So, boring stuff over. I'll post something interesting next. I hope.

Yumm-o brownie recipe

2009-01-22T22:54:00.000-08:00

I love food. And chocolate. And I wanted some brownies to go with my coffee ice cream. So, despite my lack of brownie mix, I thought I should make some brownies. So, I searched. And searched. And searched. And this, I think, is the perfect recipe.

1 cup sugar

4 tbsp unsalted butter

4 tbsp water

3 cups semisweet chocolate chips

3/4 cup milk chocolate chips

3 eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 and 1/3 cups flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees farenheit; grease a 9x13 pan.

Mix the sugar, butter and water in a sauce pan, and heat over medium until boiling. Stir in chocolate chips until all chocolate is melted. Add in vanilla and eggs, mix well. Add dry ingredients.

Spread in the prepared pan; bake in the oven for 30-40 minutes. (I know its quite vague as to the time, but I used a glass pan, which means that the time was all wrong for me.)

It is totally delicious. Nice and flakey top. Gooey and soft inside. Chocolatey like crazy. I used it immediately in a brownie coffee ice cream sundae. =D

The original recipe is a little different... first I doubled it (since it was in an 8X8 and my eight by eight is dirty), then I subtracted an egg and added milk chocolate chips. Mm-mm, so tasty. Much better this way. You'll love, I swear. Try it!

Obama

2009-01-22T00:02:00.000-08:00

This is an un-important aside. But I was reading about the whole "birth certificate" issue... how people are complaining that he never released his original and the released certificate is soo OBVIOUSLY a fake.

You'd think that the state of Hawaii might have said something? LMAO.

People are so dumb!!

Multi-Grain Bread

2009-01-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

So, I received a bread recipe from a good friend online, and experimented with it this weekend, and I have to say, it is possibly the most delicious bread I have ever had the delight of baking.

So without further ado, here's the recipe.

Soaker:
6 T. corn meal
6 T. rolled oats
4 T. wheat bran or wheat germ
1/2 C. warm water

Dough:
6 C. unbleached bread or all-purpose flour (divide in half)
6 T. brown sugar
1 T. salt
2 T. rapid rise yeast
6 T. cooked brown rice (prepare ahead according to instructions on package)
3 T. honey
1 C. buttermilk (lofat or skim is fine)
1 1/2 C very warm water

Topping: *(optional)
1 T. poppy seeds
1 T. sesame seeds

Mix ingredients for the soaker in bowl and allow to stand for 30 minutes.

Add 3 C. of flour, brown sugar, salt, instant yeast, cooked brown rice, honey, buttermilk,
and very warm water to the soaker. Stir well till ingredients are combined. I use a wooden
spoon for this, then insert the dough hook in the mixer. I add 1/2 C. of flour at a time
and knead on 1 till I have added 2 C. of flour. If dough is still sticky, add about 1/2 C
more of flour, then knead for 5 minutes on 2. **(Obviously, I did this all by hand, without a dough hook, but the lovely lady I received this recipe from has a kitchenaid mixer =P I simply kneaded for 7-10 minutes)

Scoop the dough out of the mixer onto 1/4 C. of flour and knead about 20 turns by hand.
If dough feels sticky sprinkle small amounts of flour on the dough. In total you should not
use more than 6 C of flour, so dough might be a a little sticky but can be handled.

Place the dough in a large lightly oiled stainless steel or glass bowl (canola oil) and turn it
over once to oil the top. Cover the bowl with a clean cloth and allow to rise for
45 minutes.

***edit: When I let my bread dough rise, I put it in the oven with a bowl of boiling water. And wha-la! It bounces up!***

Punch it down and remove from bowl to a lightly floured surface. Cut the dough
in half (don't tear) and flatten into two rectangles the length of your bread pans, and
about twice as wide. Fold in thirds (like folding a letter) and pinch the seams and place
in the pans with the seam down. Brush the tops of the bread with warm milk and sprinkle on
seeds. The original recipe called for poppy seeds, but I prefer the mix of poppy and
sesame.

Cover the pans with a clean cloth and allow to rise till doubled in bulk or about 45
minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 about 20 minutes before rising is finished, and when the bread has
risen (a bit above the sides of the pan) place on middle shelf of oven and bake for
45-55 minutes.

Also, I threw in some flax seed with the soaker, and it was tasty but I think maybe next time I will use it as the topping instead of the poppy seed crap. (LOL, obviously from my pictures, I did not use a topping.)

SOOOO good. Please make it and realize how wonderful it is!

Financial Re-Cap, 1st through the 15th

2009-01-19T22:34:00.000-08:00

So I had a budget. How well did I stick to it? Take a look! (budgeted numbers in parentheses)

Groceries total ----------------------------- 230.58 (200.00)

-- Impulse groceries (sodas, chips, etc) : 16.57

-- Household goods (diapers, t.p, etc) : 65.48

-- Actual food (like from the grocery) :148.53

Gas ---------------------------------------- 30.01 (50.00)

BudgetMe --------------------------------- 67.59 (80.00)

-- Gifts (and shipping) : 21.81

-- Clothes & Grooming : 12.56

-- Entertainment (books, yarn, movies) : 11.51

-- Eating Out : 21.71

So I either nailed something or I didn't. For instance, I think I need to make HH Goods a separate category, or ensure that my budget includes them... I'm not sure how but it looks like they really threw me for a loop this time around. If it weren't for them I'd be way under my grocery limit, even with my impulse buys. And if I took out the impulse buys, I'd be closer to my grocery limit. And if I stopped buying diapers, because, say, my dearest darlingest daughter would pee on a fudgin' potty, and stop impulse food buys, then I would be under my grocery limit. See! There's the correct solution! Or I could just move impulse buys to my own personal budget, and then that would have been over by about three and a half dollars. But would that be more reasonable? IDK. Also, I actuall spent more on gifts but I had a gift card for one of the things I bought so I reasoned that that didn't actually belong in the accounting, since I'm only watching my cash/debit spenditures. And not making any credit ones. Actually, the only thing I'm debiting is my gas anyways, and that's cause its too darn inconvenient to have to walk into a gas station anymore. Which is to say, I'm lazy.

I hit way under on the gas, but I'm not sure that number wasn't wrongfully inflated, since I swithched cars mid-cycle and the Mustang had lots of gas in it. Of course, I'll more than make up for that in the second half of the month, since the Mustang eats gas like a fat kid eats candy. And then I'll switch back sometime after this week, since (fingers crossed hopefully) the Saturn will have her safety inspection and I can drive her again, and she takes a lot less gas than the Mustang. So I guess we'll just have to see what really happens, once its the first of the month.

Groceries, wk 3

2009-01-19T22:12:00.000-08:00

Well, just when I thought I had the hang of things, and I actually had some of the prices remembered in my head, they changed! Milk, buttermilk, and orange juice all went up in price!

Gallon of 1% milk

- last week --- $5.46

- this week --- $5.51

1/2 Gallon of organic Whole Milk

- last week --- $4.90

- this week --- $4.93

1 quart of buttermilk

- 2 weeks --- $1.67

- this week --- $1.70

(Whatever size I buy) Tropicana calcium orange juice

- 2 weeks --- $3.50

- this week --- $3.89

WOWZERS! I mean, the first few are 3-5 cents more, but the orange juice jumped up in price! Of course, it does come in a nifty newly designed container... (???)

Other than that, I didn't forget to bring home my canteloupe this week, so I'm very excited to eat it starting tomorrow, and I argued with the cashier on the price of my grapefruit, successfully enough that she took it off my bill. I took a picture of the label this time. =D I hope they change the label because I will argue again next week. I'm not afraid.

So my guess was a little off this week. because I forgot that I needed bananas, buttermilk, and marshmallows... and some of the things I bought I didn't quite anticipate their cost correctly. So here you are, my list for this week.

Item My Guess Actual Cost Difference +(-)

bread flour $3.50 $1.59 (1.41)

corn meal $2.00 $1.37 (0.63)

pizza sauce $1.00 $0.99 (0.01) --- that doesn't even count lol

parchment ppr $1.69 $1.69 ------ I'll admit to cheating tho, looked last week!

butter, salted $2.00 $2.39 0.39

yogurt, 2c van. $2.00 $2.92 0.92 --- i ended up having to buy a 4 cupper though...

Ice cream $3.00 $2.99 (0.01) --- that wasn't a guess, tho, but a limit.

I also spent more on kitty litter this week, because the size I normally buy was sold out, so my kitty litter was $2.50 more than normal. Oh well.

Total: I guessed $62.05, without the bananas, buttermilk or marshmallows. Total ended up being $68.11, so $70.11 after tip. Not too bad, especially considering how messed up some of that was. However, I bought cereal and tortilla chips (which were on my list) at the Marine Mart (which is kinda a convenience store) so they were more expensive, but not included on this speciific grocery list. To be frank, I would've been much better off buying both of them at the commissary and will do so next time. Oh well!

I am quite proud of myself, by the way --- I resisted the siren call of soda while at the commissary. Also while at Wal-Mart. And while driving around relentlessly on Sunday afternoon. I really like soda. But its not so good for me, right? *Sighs* Well, I did pretty good on groceries so far this week though.

Lillie pics as promised, and potty training.

2009-01-13T21:33:00.001-08:00

Ok, so they weren't all of Lillie, I did throw that one in with my current baby belly. It just doesn't do justice to my boobs though, they are absolutely huge now. =P

So Lillie has been potty training at daycare this week, and it seems to be going well. Well, she's not peeing on the potty or anything, but she IS demonstrating that she has great bladder control lol. She waits until she gets off the potty and far enough away the Angela can't catch her so that she can go pee in her panties. It's more than a little funny. I realized tonight that I knew something she really enjoyed that I could make a "big girls who use the potty only" thing, so I told her that if she would go pee on the potty we could go on our walk after dinner, but if not, she was getting a diaper and going straight to bed like a little baby girl. =P That made her very angry. She cried the whole way upstairs, and while I was putting her diaper on, etc. I'm feeling hopeful that this might encourage her maybe... I'd really like to get her potty trained!

So I picked up the deployment care coupons today, but I haven't gotten the subsidy yet. =(

Getting there!

Groceries, Week 2

2009-01-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

So I went to Wal-Mart on Saturday to compare prices on Household Goods, like t.p., detergent, etc, and walked away only with toilet paper. Then I found the same exact toilet paper at the commissary for $3.00 cheaper. ACK! Oh well, that just goes to show me. =P The only other thing that seemed cheaper at Wal-Mart is kitten food, but I'm going to double check that at the commissary too, since I was SOOO wrong about the toilet paper. *sighs*

This week I felt as though I went in with a better handle on prices, but there were things on this week's shopping list that weren't on last week's list, so I made up my guesses and such, totalled it out and made an overall guess. Then I bought three things that weren't on my list, but SHOULD HAVE BEEN, and forgot to buy two things that should have been on my list but weren't, ie. salted butter and corn meal. Whoops. Moral of the story? Double check the list before leaving the house! LOL.

This weeks additional buys, guesses, actual, etc:

Romaine lettuce $1.50 $1.17 (.33)

Canteloupe $2.00 $3.46 $1.46

6 Bananas $3.00 $2.12 (.88)

Apple sauce $3.00 $1.98 (1.02)

3 spices (various) $3.00 $5.67 $2.67

Taco shells $2.50 $1.39 (1.11)

Cream cheese $3.00 $1.19 (1.81)

Shredded chs, mozz $3.00 $2.82 (.18)

Shredded chs, taco $3.00 $2.82 (.18)

Cheese sticks $3.00 $3.00 haha, dead even!

Flour (5#) $2.99 $2.35 (.64)

My guess for all my groceries (including the ones not listed here because I bought them last week and bored you with the details then) was $62.50. That guess DID NOT include quite a few things, however, like laundry detergent (7.99), dish detergent (3.59), onions (1.42) or a block of parmesan cheese (2.35). In spite of this, however, my total ended up being only a little higher than my guess: $63.85. So after tip, I was at 65.85. Not bad. Of course, you have to include the household goods I bought at Wal-Mart yesterday, ie. the expensive $7.98 toilet paper and the diapers, (plus soda and chips at WM and water and chips at 7-11, bad Laurel), and that brings my total for the week up to $97.69. So not as good as last week, especially considering that I didn't buy ANY meat at the commissary this week since I overbought last week (by a whole bag of chicken breasts and a whole pound and a half of hamburger), however, I shouldn't have to buy laundry detergent, dish detergent, or toilet paper for a really long time now, at least a month for the dish detergent, and longer for the other stuff. So if I look at it that way, I feel better. Marginally.

A coupla things ended up different, like macaroni and cheese was 5 cents more (because they didn't have spirals, and apparently elbows are more expensive?) and the grapefruit, which I thought was $1.28 a piece was actually $1.28 a pound (which I'm going to double check next time because that's seriously messed up). And the crackers are going up in price next week to two dollars and something cents, but I found a coupon that should lower that a little. I hope.

I was given another bread recipe to try by a friend, its a multi-grain bread. If it turns out well, I'll post it up here. I also found this totally to die for taco seasoning recipe. I thought I was going to melt in my chair when I ate it. I'm very picky about my taco seasoning, we always buy Taco Bell brand since its so tasty, but I'm all about saving money right now so I was hoping that I could find a homemade version I liked, and this totally knocked it right out of the park.

To Die For Taco Seasoning.

1 TB. all-purpose flour
1 TB. corn starch
1 TB. dried minced onion
1 tsp. beef bouillon granules OR 1 beef bouillon cube - crushed
1 tsp. garlic salt
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. onion salt
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp. granulated sugar

(Combine and store, makes enough to season one pound of taco meat)

To make tacos, brown 1 lb. ground beef and drain off fat. Add seasoning mix and 2/3 cup water. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer for 6 minutes.

It was fab-u-lous.

Okay. That is all for today. Tomorrow I'm going to post some Lillie pictures, best be ready!

P.S. Apparently, I forgot to to take the cantelope out of the scale? 'Cause when I went to cut it up for breakfast, it wasn't in my fridge, and its not in the trunk of my car, and I emptied all of the bags. What a disappointment! At least I have 2 grapefruits, those'll almost last me one whole week. *Cries*

Taking Charge of My Money, Pretend Pacifier, AND Toilets.

2009-01-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

So, today I downgraded my cable from the gazillion channels that I never use including HBO and SHOtime to basic cable, with 13 ish channels. Heh. It's about fifty dollars cheaper? So I decided I'm going to put that money into savings, and then when Baby Girl 2 is born, I can put it in her brand-y new savings account! Since Lillie has one and all, I thought it would be fair. And I should save the money anyways, right? I was considering just putting it in my savings, or maybe even throwing it at a bill, but looking at my bills, it wouldn't close anything out even one pay cycle earlier, so there doesn't feel like there's a point. So, savings for Baby!

I got my second paycheck in the mail today, YAY! I plan on going into the daycare office on Monday and being all, :give me subsidy or give me death: so that they supplement my daycare and its cheaper for me. Also, I'm going to get the deployment daycare coupons that I deserve. =D

Our routine is so good, Lillie loves it. She even goes upstairs to bed willingly. I now shut off her light at the fan, so she can't turn it back on after I leave. LOL. OH! And Miss Angela said -- Lillie didn't use her pacifier today at nap. Didn't even ask for it, just took out the pretend pacifier and that was that. Sweet! Three days of pocket pacifier and its totally working! She also said that she's willing to start trying to toilet train Lil next week, so I need to send her with a bunch of clothes and panties starting Monday. I'm psyched. We did a little bit of toilet training today, sort of. I told her we were going to start potty training next week and asked her if she wanted to use the potty, and she sat on it and pee'd a very tiny bit. I effusively praised her, of course.

OMG, and I've been tracking my caloric intake for the last few days, and I'm totally on! At least for my weight. Not necessarily for the pregnancy weight. But I eat really filling food whenever I'm hungry, so stuffing in more is not really an option. Just need to find higher in calorie but still good for me food.

So, if you can't tell, I'm in an AWESOME MOOD today. WOOOOOO!

Why You Shouldn't Procrastinate: Also, Always Play Pretend

2009-01-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

God hates procrastinaters.

I put off filling my gas tank until last minute, as I always do, and gas went up 9 cents that day. Wait -- that's not the first time that's happened. You'd think I'd learn. But no.

Also, really cute Lillie story to share.

Lillie brings a pretend spoon to the grocery store with us. I don't know if she only does it when she's hungry, or if it's just part of the entertainment, but the pretend spoon comes out whenever she sees something that looks/is tasty, like cereal, crackers, bananas, etc. As I push the cart down the aisle, she swoops her pretend spoon out and grabs a bite, plops it in her mouth and says, "Mmm, nummy!" Then she says, "Bite, Mommy!" and I get to take a bite of her yummy food. It makes me laugh.

So I took the pretend idea and ran with it, and coupled with a suggestion from our daycare provider, Miss Angela, I now put Lillie to bed with a pretend pacifier. She takes it out of my pocket and puts it in her mouth and pretends to suck on it. When she gets up in the morning, she takes it out of her mouth and hands it to me. First time I tried to put it in my pocket, she got really upset though, and said "My pocket! My pacifier!" so we put it in her pretend pocket, since most of her pants don't have pockets. Angela says she takes it out of her pocket every once in a while at daycare!

She seems to really like the idea of having/being a sister. She can say the word, now, and she carried around my ultrasound pictures yesterday almost like she carries around Daddy pictures. This bodes well, I think. Plus she's being so helpful. I think she's finally getting used to daycare, because she wasn't a monster tonight! A little clingy, but not like she has been!

I think part of that is she's used to the routine. We get home, make dinner, sit at the table together and eat, and then Mommy cleans and puts away the dishes and we get in the stroller and go for a walk. Then we eat our dessert. Tonight I introduced a variable, though -- I read her a book after dessert. Then its diaper and bedtime.

But in spite of not wanting to wake up this morning, today turned out to be pretty good. Yay!

Ultrasound today!

2009-01-06T21:37:00.000-08:00

A baby face.

A baby foot!

Baby is unhappy with the ultrasound, and kicking a storm!

Baby is thumbing her nose at me!

And surprise, surprise, I'm having ... a girl! WOW! What a surprise that is! I was totally convinced I was having a boy... that goes to show, you never know. LOL.

There's one moment I really wish they had gotten a picture of, when the baby stuck her tongue out at me. It was priceless! And I didn't know that development wise, they even had tongues yet! (LOL that's a silly thought I guess...)

So, baby2 is fine EXCEPT that she is measuring a little small. About a week small. Which is fine, except her head is measuring quite a bit smaller than that. Only from ear to ear, but she's TINY from ear to ear. So the doctor is a little worried, which means that I get to go to another ultrasound! For you viewers at home keeping track, that means I'll have a FOURTH ultrasound. Not that I mind. Since D is missing the pregnancy at least he gets to see the pictures.

Follow-up on Groceries

2009-01-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

The juice that I totally had to impulse buy yesterday?

I hated it.

Lillie drank it all.

That'll show me. =P

Groceries

2009-01-04T15:39:00.001-08:00

Well, the few things I know to help me budget my groceries a little better are:

List the prices of everything I'm buying/buy regularly. Compare with other grocery stores/convenience stores whatever, and shop accordingly.
Make a menu for the week before you make your grocery list.
Make a grocery list.
Look for coupons / off-brand savings.
Don't go shopping hungry.

I have issues with number one on the list, of course, since I shop at the commissary and I live in Hawaii. I mean, hello price-gouging. The commissary is pretty much the cheapest place to buy anything, and I feel confident in saying that. However, I'm going to compare paper products, cat food/litter, cereal and canned goods with Wal-Mart, since i make the occasional trip out there for diapers anyways, and see how the prices stack up. Just in case.

The other four I'm relatively good at, except for off-brand purchases. I like brand-name food! I usually find that it's tastier-- but I could just be attributing that all in my head. So we'll see.

This is the first time I've done the price list though. Just for fun, before I went shopping I guessed at how much I thought things would cost, and then wrote down next to that the actual prices. Well, I feel like being boring, so I'm going to post that all up here so the astoundingly wrong guesses are free for the world to see.

The Product My Guess Actual Price Difference + (-)

2 Cucumbers $1.00 $1.50 .50

2 Grapefruit $2.00 $2.62 .62

2# Carrots $3.00 $1.28 (1.72)

Grapes $2.00 $3.00 1.00

Green Pepper $1.00 $0.58 (.42)

Veg. Oil $2.00 $2.29 .29

Canola Oil $2.00 $2.49 .49

Olive Oil $2.00 $3.49 1.49 !!!

Chicken Buillon $2.50 $1.89 (.61)

Can of corn $0.75 $0.99 .24

Mac'n'cheese $1.25 $0.95 (.30)

Salsa (160z) $2.00 $1.59 (.41)

2# hamburg $5.00 $4.40 (.60)

1# steak tips $5.00 $2.98 (2.02)

bag chx breasts $15.00 $11.49 (3.51)

3 can tuna $2.00 $2.25 .25

Grapenuts $4.00 $3.28 (.72)

Wheat thins $3.00 $1.99 1.01

6 yogurts $6.00 $3.00 (3.00)

1 gallon 1% milk $5.00 $5.46 .46

.5 gallon whole $5.00 $4.90 (.10)

pint buttermilk $3.00 $1.67 (1.33)

Eggs $3.00 $1.92 (1.08)

Orange juice $5.00 $3.50 (1.50)

Pepperoni $2.00 $2.16 .16

Cottage Cheese $3.50 $2.49 (1.01)

Cheese block $3.50 $3.50 HAH! DEAD ON!

Total: $91.50 $77.66 ($13.84)

Plus of course 5% "surcharge" and $2.00 tip for the bagger, also I splurged on a pomegranate juice for $2.66 since I was feeling so good about how much I was actually saving in comparison, so the total ended up being $89.00, give or take a few pennies. Still, that was fabulous for my first outing, I definitely made it under to $125, now I just need to not buy anything else grocery for the week and I will have succeeded!

By the way, does cat food count? 'Cause I bought some of that last week, and I'm wondering if I should count it in this week since it was sorta on the same pay cycle, and that would put me over by four dollars ... nah. Cat food bought last week can't count. I should start off the year on a positive note! LOL.

So that's the grocery experience. Yay, that's done for one week!

... lasting.

Goals for 2009

2009-01-04T15:21:00.000-08:00

Lasting in 2009 means :

Learning to be optimistic, in the face of sometimes daunting circumstances.

-I purchased a book, "Learned Optimism", that is my source of inspiration for this.

Saving up the emergency fund, which I deem as $9,000 - $10,000.

-This encompasses a lot of things, so I will now list the lesser goals:

To finish paying off all our debt by July(atm, we are approximately $7,700 in the red)
Cut our grocery bills by at least $25 a week (from $125 to $100) and hopefully down to $75. In order to accomplish this one, I need to work harder at being green ie. recycle baggies, possibly destroy the idea of using paper towels all together, make my own bread, bagels and croutons, and decide if products such as toilet paper, diapers, etc., fit into groceries or household!
Save 1/2 of my take-home pay post-daycare. This actually won't be a lot of money, unfortunately, since after daycare, my take home is like $200 a week, but its still more than I am already saving, right?

Potty train Lillie by April.

-I am hoping to have a daycare provider that will assist me in this overwhelming craziness.

Cloth diaper & breastfeed the new baby.

-I wanted to cloth diaper Lillie, but with going back to work and all that after six weeks, I couldn't really wrap my mind around buying disposables for daycare and cloth for home, so I ended up bowing to popular pressure. I also tried to breastfeed Lillie, but I had to give that up after the six weeks maternity leave since my work didn't offer adequate facilities for pumping. Hopefully, my friend Steph who is having a baby around the same time as me, will help be my support in these two endeavors, since she is also trying for a very natural like birth.

Now, I have a very strict budget to adhere to, but it does give me a little wiggle room, which allows me to buy a few things that I want but couldn't justify buying. My large planned purchases for 2009 include 4 new tires for the Saturn, a new carseat and stroller, (possibly) a large flat screen television -- $800 or less, the supplies I need for cloth diapering, and a Bitty Baby doll for Lillie that I can present to her when our new baby is born. That leaves me with precious little week to week cash, but I think that the things that I want and the goals that I have set will be enough motivation to stay on budget. Of course, I will be reviewing my goals periodically, and definitely looking over my budget about a thousand more times over the next few months, and my plans may go awry if for instance D's deployment gets shortened by five months, but we'll catch as catch can.

These are my goals.

Boo-yaa, 2009.

Pessimism and Reactionism

2008-12-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

So I am trying really hard to be the good mom/wife etc, like not making my husband feel guilty for being deployed while I'm four months pregnant and stranded in Hawaii with a VERY active 2 year old, and trying to do what's best for my daughter and feed us on a regular basis and even going back to work, but sometimes its just really hard for me. I'm not an optimistic person by nature, and I mean that in the most definite way possible. I started reading a book recently called "Learned Optimism" (my addiction to self-help books is almost laughable, I know) and so I recognize now most of my negative thought patterns, but I haven't finished reading it yet (I got sidetracked by reading "Twilight" and "New Moon" again!), so I don't really know how to reset those negative thought patterns, I just notice them. That almost makes it worse.

I also read a book on marriage that spoke about being solution oriented and therefore action oriented, not re-action... that kind of resonated with me, I usually roll with the punches, and I think I do fairly well at it, but I don't usually step out and try to change things that are going wrong, I just deal with them as they come. And to be fair to me, I think that being a for the moment single working mom whose four months pregnant, that might sometimes be the solution of the day, just to react as I have to, since there's just so much for me to attend to, but I can't help but feel like there should be a better way to do this all.

And finally, I sort of resent my husband, which is completely unreasonable and yet, I'm sure, completely normal. I mean, I know that it really sucks out there, he's working 12 hour days with no days off and he'll keep doing that for the next ... 11 months or so, but I'm working all the time! He gets leisure time, even if its very little, without a two year old trying to call into his lap and mess everything up. If I want that, I have to miss out on sleep! And in five months, I'll have an infant depending on me for everything... which is overwhelming for moms who actually have husbands there to help.

And of course, there's the naming issue. First of all, if the baby is actually a girl, I'm so screwed, because I've been referring to baby2 as a him, and I actually have a name for him. BUT of course D gets to help pick the name right? He is the dad, but he's not dealing with any of the pregnancy or the birthing or the brand-new baby, and I know if he had his choice he'd be here, but its still unfair. I know this baby (I think!), I know his name, I know who he is and who he isn't, and he doesn't. Why should he be able to reject the name I have picked out for him?

(As an aside, I haven't yet even told D the name I have for baby2, I figure we can have that argument once we're sure he's a boy! And I really don't want to fight during the very few minutes I have to talk to him...)

Now, if you read that above scenario, you can recognize the reactionism, lol. I'm already reacting to the rejection that I'm anticipating!

Something needs to change.